사랑해
Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Hey yola
so
the thing is
its been nearly 5 years since things 'officially' went to hell.
And for the last three there have been very few moments when I would mind dieing
maybe im not suicidal
but if i were in a situation where i was going to die
i dont think i'd have done a whole lot to change that
and you know
i stare at the same four walls I have for the last two and a half years
and feel the scars on my arms
and look at the place where I sat as my parents built the house around me
and i cant help but wonder whats the use when its all so futile
because you can work your whole life to be a good person and make the best of the crap you get
and die of cancer
or you can be the scum of the earth
living to a good age
without ever having to work a full day
yet still have the audacity to complain
I dont how much hate there is in the world towards people you have never met and who you know nothing about.
I dont understand how skin colour changes a person
or how sexuallity changes anything other than whos genitals you enjputting in your mouth
if thats even your bag at all
and i dont get how gender equallity isnt a thing
and how woman dont have the choice to have control of their own body
and i really dont understand why people hate because of the faith someone chooses
hate the actions of people
not the name in which they doo it for
their religion has not taught them that
their own misgudings and the ones of humans have
religion is good
it brings people happiness and peace.
people are bad
not all
but some
and i am tired of the many being discriminated against because of the few who got it wrong
Same goes for teenagers
cause im fucking lovely
but the way II get looked at when i walk down a street trying not to cry you'd think i'd juck mugged a little kid
Sometimes I only have my headphones in because if I didnt hhave the distraction i would litterally break
and that is why music is so important
it hold me together
and thats why kpop is perfect
it has something
that just
holds my hand and reminds me that things can be just fine
but untill then i'll have them
annd those dumb lil shits make me feel better
I havent cut in days
weeks
the last time was just before II went too cornwall im sure
so thats like
since the begging of summer
good job me
cause lord have i wanted to
like
a lot
like
right now
i dont even know yola
i want to cry
but mostly i just want a hug
i want someone to cuddle with
and to just fall alseep with
and to wake up and for my first thought to now be
oh god
this again
joy
im tired of always hurting
im tired of always being scared
of tired of always being worried
im tired of always being judged
but mostly im tired of not understanding
i dont fucking understand
but people just get tired of it
so i dont bring it up anymore
but
i
just
dont
understannd
and
i
wish
someone
would
explain
becuase
i feel
so dumb
and
like a freak
because
everyone else doesnt seem as bothered
but
im
just here
so fucking confused
and
i have no one
left
i lost them all
or they left
and i dont blame them
i just
miss them
im tired
so very
very
tired
this hasn't helped at all
i dont know what to do
maybe
maybe
goodnight
so
the thing is
its been nearly 5 years since things 'officially' went to hell.
And for the last three there have been very few moments when I would mind dieing
maybe im not suicidal
but if i were in a situation where i was going to die
i dont think i'd have done a whole lot to change that
and you know
i stare at the same four walls I have for the last two and a half years
and feel the scars on my arms
and look at the place where I sat as my parents built the house around me
and i cant help but wonder whats the use when its all so futile
because you can work your whole life to be a good person and make the best of the crap you get
and die of cancer
or you can be the scum of the earth
living to a good age
without ever having to work a full day
yet still have the audacity to complain
I dont how much hate there is in the world towards people you have never met and who you know nothing about.
I dont understand how skin colour changes a person
or how sexuallity changes anything other than whos genitals you enjputting in your mouth
if thats even your bag at all
and i dont get how gender equallity isnt a thing
and how woman dont have the choice to have control of their own body
and i really dont understand why people hate because of the faith someone chooses
hate the actions of people
not the name in which they doo it for
their religion has not taught them that
their own misgudings and the ones of humans have
religion is good
it brings people happiness and peace.
people are bad
not all
but some
and i am tired of the many being discriminated against because of the few who got it wrong
Same goes for teenagers
cause im fucking lovely
but the way II get looked at when i walk down a street trying not to cry you'd think i'd juck mugged a little kid
Sometimes I only have my headphones in because if I didnt hhave the distraction i would litterally break
and that is why music is so important
it hold me together
and thats why kpop is perfect
it has something
that just
holds my hand and reminds me that things can be just fine
but untill then i'll have them
annd those dumb lil shits make me feel better
I havent cut in days
weeks
the last time was just before II went too cornwall im sure
so thats like
since the begging of summer
good job me
cause lord have i wanted to
like
a lot
like
right now
i dont even know yola
i want to cry
but mostly i just want a hug
i want someone to cuddle with
and to just fall alseep with
and to wake up and for my first thought to now be
oh god
this again
joy
im tired of always hurting
im tired of always being scared
of tired of always being worried
im tired of always being judged
but mostly im tired of not understanding
i dont fucking understand
but people just get tired of it
so i dont bring it up anymore
but
i
just
dont
understannd
and
i
wish
someone
would
explain
becuase
i feel
so dumb
and
like a freak
because
everyone else doesnt seem as bothered
but
im
just here
so fucking confused
and
i have no one
left
i lost them all
or they left
and i dont blame them
i just
miss them
im tired
so very
very
tired
this hasn't helped at all
i dont know what to do
maybe
maybe
goodnight
