ㅗㄹㅈ고해ㅗㅑㄷㄱ핻개ㅗㄱ대ㅑ[ㅈ
Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, September 18, 2013
God yola. Hello. Fuck I dont know
I was fine
but now im all worried about gina
not in that way
like im worried i've fucked everything up
because i havent been online in ages
and like even before then i wasn't online much
and im scared im going to loose her as a friend because shes wonderful and i love her
and i dont want to loose her
but i dont know what to do because theres no point in me going back because she cant deal with me not being okay and i cant deal with pretending to be okay
or fucking group calls with Scarlet or Lucy
who i also love
but just
too much
and just tooo much talking
and i cant do it
i
just
fuck
and
padi
i think
has agreed to me quitting college
god i hate that phrase
it sounds so dirty
but i dont see why its so bad
i mean
this course isnt for me
it isnt what i expected it to be, or wanted it to be
and i dont see whhy that is a bad thing
because
like
why is it better
for me to waist my time
and the tutors time
being miserable
hating the course
not getting anything out of it
or enjoying it
just because people EXPECT me to finish a course once im started
that just seems... really dumb to me
im not quitting for any other reason
It may have started out that i disliked the course because of the fact that i dont fit it
but i get over that sort of stuff all the time
very few people like me
and have liked me over the years
im not very likeable
i look like a dude, sound like a dude, and very closed off, will give you death glares if you look at me, but also am like a frightened kitten and will have avoice so tiny you wont be able to hear me and i'll look like im about to cry.
its difficult
thats why i work better online
guh
but anyway
ppadi seems to have come round to the idea of my quitting
and getting a job
because i think im old enough and ready for a job now
before when i tried to work. One it was a horrible work environment and 2. I was too much of a child still.
but im older and less.... depressed over mum... still depressed... but this is different and if i have a task can be pput to one side as opposed to it over ruling the task
if you get what i mean
good lord i have the weirdest headache right now
fuck i just dont kknow yola
Writing FF on AFF seems to be the only thing that is giving me some pleasure and sence of meaning right now
aside from GD and his fucking pperfect music.
just
ugh
he is so wonderful. I love him
I also love writing ff becuase although im terrified its going to be awful and that they will hate it and hate me, so far everyone has been supper nice and said super nice things (lol i'll go check it now and I'll have some tirade of hate i bet xD) but yeah, and like I have 16 idevidual subs and quiet a few are subscribed to several stories...and my newest one is doing super well, I have like 150 views and its only been upa day.. and like 7? subs on it.. which is crazy since the last story i posted like two weeks ago only just has 150 views now and like 3 subs... which is mostly because its a less liked pairing but still...
dont judge me for writing fan fic
I just like writing the love story and they make convienient characters because their history and back story and likes/dislikes looks manerisms and just well everything is already there and everyone knows them so you can just dive into the story.
Its not real.
It will never be real
And thats totally fine
I personally cant wait for my idols to fall in love
I would love to see who they end up with
to see the person that makes them happy
becuase that would be fucking cute
like key a while ago, eveyone was going bat shit because of a kiss scene in the musical he was doing... they were all furious... and i was just like
"äsdfghjkl; that is the cutest thing i have ever seen jfc" He just looked so cute i dont even have words.
but everyone was so upset
and it was just like
do you not want him to be happy?
ffs Jongkey isnt fucking real.
They are close friends, and as fun as it may be to pretend or whatever, dont get that confused with real life, and dont for a second this your ship is actually real.
Untill the day your bias comes out and says "I am gay, and I am gay with *enter your ship partner here*"
Then it aint fuckin canon
you feel me?
jfc
fangirls dissapoint me sometimes
and maybe im no better
but I know its not real
and dont even pretend its real
i just like the love sotry
it dont matter who its between
im a fuckin sap
and there is an abundance of ff online so its convinient :3
nighty night yola
ranting about pointless stuff makes me feel better ^_^
I was fine
but now im all worried about gina
not in that way
like im worried i've fucked everything up
because i havent been online in ages
and like even before then i wasn't online much
and im scared im going to loose her as a friend because shes wonderful and i love her
and i dont want to loose her
but i dont know what to do because theres no point in me going back because she cant deal with me not being okay and i cant deal with pretending to be okay
or fucking group calls with Scarlet or Lucy
who i also love
but just
too much
and just tooo much talking
and i cant do it
i
just
fuck
and
padi
i think
has agreed to me quitting college
god i hate that phrase
it sounds so dirty
but i dont see why its so bad
i mean
this course isnt for me
it isnt what i expected it to be, or wanted it to be
and i dont see whhy that is a bad thing
because
like
why is it better
for me to waist my time
and the tutors time
being miserable
hating the course
not getting anything out of it
or enjoying it
just because people EXPECT me to finish a course once im started
that just seems... really dumb to me
im not quitting for any other reason
It may have started out that i disliked the course because of the fact that i dont fit it
but i get over that sort of stuff all the time
very few people like me
and have liked me over the years
im not very likeable
i look like a dude, sound like a dude, and very closed off, will give you death glares if you look at me, but also am like a frightened kitten and will have avoice so tiny you wont be able to hear me and i'll look like im about to cry.
its difficult
thats why i work better online
guh
but anyway
ppadi seems to have come round to the idea of my quitting
and getting a job
because i think im old enough and ready for a job now
before when i tried to work. One it was a horrible work environment and 2. I was too much of a child still.
but im older and less.... depressed over mum... still depressed... but this is different and if i have a task can be pput to one side as opposed to it over ruling the task
if you get what i mean
good lord i have the weirdest headache right now
fuck i just dont kknow yola
Writing FF on AFF seems to be the only thing that is giving me some pleasure and sence of meaning right now
aside from GD and his fucking pperfect music.
just
ugh
he is so wonderful. I love him
I also love writing ff becuase although im terrified its going to be awful and that they will hate it and hate me, so far everyone has been supper nice and said super nice things (lol i'll go check it now and I'll have some tirade of hate i bet xD) but yeah, and like I have 16 idevidual subs and quiet a few are subscribed to several stories...and my newest one is doing super well, I have like 150 views and its only been upa day.. and like 7? subs on it.. which is crazy since the last story i posted like two weeks ago only just has 150 views now and like 3 subs... which is mostly because its a less liked pairing but still...
dont judge me for writing fan fic
I just like writing the love story and they make convienient characters because their history and back story and likes/dislikes looks manerisms and just well everything is already there and everyone knows them so you can just dive into the story.
Its not real.
It will never be real
And thats totally fine
I personally cant wait for my idols to fall in love
I would love to see who they end up with
to see the person that makes them happy
becuase that would be fucking cute
like key a while ago, eveyone was going bat shit because of a kiss scene in the musical he was doing... they were all furious... and i was just like
"äsdfghjkl; that is the cutest thing i have ever seen jfc" He just looked so cute i dont even have words.
but everyone was so upset
and it was just like
do you not want him to be happy?
ffs Jongkey isnt fucking real.
They are close friends, and as fun as it may be to pretend or whatever, dont get that confused with real life, and dont for a second this your ship is actually real.
Untill the day your bias comes out and says "I am gay, and I am gay with *enter your ship partner here*"
Then it aint fuckin canon
you feel me?
jfc
fangirls dissapoint me sometimes
and maybe im no better
but I know its not real
and dont even pretend its real
i just like the love sotry
it dont matter who its between
im a fuckin sap
and there is an abundance of ff online so its convinient :3
nighty night yola
ranting about pointless stuff makes me feel better ^_^
