...

You know,
sometimes i think I havent come very far in the last 5 years.
sometimes I feel like I've always been this way and always will be
but I have moments where I step back and I think
"gee, what a long way I have come."
see, last night i gave myself an awful haircut.
It's much shorter than I intended and the fringe just doesn't work.
the thing is,
a few years ago this would have been devastating. my hair was probably the only 'together' part of my body. the rest of me was a hot mess.
But now, I look at this disaster of a hair cut and smile.
Hell, I looked in the damn mirror and said
"Ah well, I'm still cute"
And meant it.
because god damn it I am cute!
and then I think about how I went for an interview today
and sure, it took my three hours to get ready
and my stomach felt like there was construction work going on down there
but I still made it
and smiled and laughed and did my best at being me
and they invited me back
now that doesnt mean I'll get the job or d well on friday
but its more than nothing
and last friday I went to work
despite my anxiety
and I read some old blog posts yesterday
off my old blog
and I realized how fucking far I have come
I was a scared, hopeless, confused, child
But I survived that
so maybe I can survive this
and maybe when I'm 25 or 30 I'll be able to look back on this and think
"look how far I've come"
and really
what more could I ask for?

love from sam.
I'm doing better.
xxx