...

All I ever do is push people away
there was a nice boy
a boy who liked me
who asked me out on a date
who i said yes to
who i activly tried to scare away
and who's call I ignored

The boy might not be my type and he may have said the most wrong thing i have ever heard
but
he was a nice boy
and as soon as there might have been the slightest possibility o me having to get close to him
or start to trust him
i paniced
like actually crying
fucking terrified i might start to trust him and he'lll leave
Because thats what ppeople do right?
i turst them and they get sick of me
because who wouldnt
im a fucking shit person

god
fuck it
it's been weeks
but i feel so crap
everything has been wrong today
and I should have called him back and gone on a date tonight
but i didnt because im a messed up freak
i tried not to do this
i've watched my happy things on youtube
i've read the fluffiest fanfics i could find
wrote my own

im not okay.
And im not sure when I will be
sorry ren xxx you know I love you
I'll try to come back soon