Wow Im sorry this whole lack of talking to people things seems to be making me just rant at you yola im sorry
Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, September 3, 2012
I just realized something (Yeah I do that a alot)
A few months ago I realized I dont feel comfortable identifying as female
And told like
what
two people?
And since then
I've like come to terms with it
and become at peace with the fact theres fuck all I can do for over a year
So I realized the best thing for me to do is to just role as Andrognous for now since thats not too far off what I am not anyway
but heres where I start go get lost
because I want to be called sam
And I really would love a girlfriend (Yeah the daydream has now officially swapped gender xD)
but I dont know
And im always
ALWAYS
questioning myself
And like thinking
If you were actually a guy you wouldnt do this
or your such a faker
And Its driving me mad yola
cause like its the sort of thing you need to talk over with another human
but I cant
And so im just here sat in my own fucking confusion just like
I would love a fucking cuddle
Not a piss weak hug
a fucking cuddle
a mother fucking CWTCH
But
being alone doesnt get you too many of those
But Im proud of me
I got over my fear of rejection enough today to send Amala a message on tumblr, and she replied
Which has made my life
Now I have a message from Val and Amala! Two of the six most epic people ever! Doesn't sound like much
But they're fucking amazing people
And Val and Amala especially Amala just
she makes things better
Like if Im sad I'll be on tumblr and see something shes posted and snort laugh at its fucking perfectness
Shes fucking beautiful, but cant see it, shes brilliant but has no idea and shes hilarious but just puts it down as derp! Shes awesome
God I sound so i love
I swear im not
I just look up to her
shes like what?
21 22?
And shes just
amala
casual british person alama
who just happens to be sexy as balls and freaking amazing xD
Sorry its just weird to think how much descovering ... *counts on fingers* seven people who are all friends who share in one stupid ass hobby have changed me
And no one else will get that
so no one understands how much i love them
But like twin and jenna showed me what cosplay is
that its about having fun and doing whatever you can with what you have even if its a fucking leaf village head band and a jean tee combo
And they opened the door to this hole other world full of people that are like me
and then Parlé ... wow those girls... I mean I've talked about amala alot already but then theres Dani and Dani is just brilliant... shes like 6ft and used to be a model and is so funny and clever and really knowledgeable. And of course theres Jenn, who is fucking stunning and a brilliant actress/ video maker/ cosplayer but she also is the main person who gave me the confidence about being who I am her and Kelly. Cause like she just has this way with words and this way about her and it just gave me confidence. Her nd Kelly just really gave me the push towards saying
You know what? Im going to wear boots that are stupid and a shirt thats has fabric and chains in all the wrong places. Im going to have short hair and cosplay, im going to be fucking nerdy and not like the shit you like. Im going to go to cons and im going to be me. The me that since 12 I've wanted to be. Im finally going to have the balls to do it.
And thats thanks to a bunch of girls who post shit online
They've changed my life
and are part of the reason that im actually getting better
I mean a lot, a lot of getting out ooof my depression was me
But they're helping me stay oouot of it by helping to give me something to look forward to
Because doo you know what?
I may have no friends left
But im going to make new ones
And I wont let being alone get me down because If i could do it before while activily pushing people away and wanting to die
I can sure as fuck do it now when I dont want to die or even hurt myself and I have things that i look forward to and plan ahead for
So yeah
I just those girls and two guys
They make me happy and give me hope and make me laugh and inspire me
So im grateful
and wish I had someone to share the love with
but yeah
thats enough from me
sorry yola
nighty night
A few months ago I realized I dont feel comfortable identifying as female
And told like
what
two people?
And since then
I've like come to terms with it
and become at peace with the fact theres fuck all I can do for over a year
So I realized the best thing for me to do is to just role as Andrognous for now since thats not too far off what I am not anyway
but heres where I start go get lost
because I want to be called sam
And I really would love a girlfriend (Yeah the daydream has now officially swapped gender xD)
but I dont know
And im always
ALWAYS
questioning myself
And like thinking
If you were actually a guy you wouldnt do this
or your such a faker
And Its driving me mad yola
cause like its the sort of thing you need to talk over with another human
but I cant
And so im just here sat in my own fucking confusion just like
I would love a fucking cuddle
Not a piss weak hug
a fucking cuddle
a mother fucking CWTCH
But
being alone doesnt get you too many of those
But Im proud of me
I got over my fear of rejection enough today to send Amala a message on tumblr, and she replied
Which has made my life
Now I have a message from Val and Amala! Two of the six most epic people ever! Doesn't sound like much
But they're fucking amazing people
And Val and Amala especially Amala just
she makes things better
Like if Im sad I'll be on tumblr and see something shes posted and snort laugh at its fucking perfectness
Shes fucking beautiful, but cant see it, shes brilliant but has no idea and shes hilarious but just puts it down as derp! Shes awesome
God I sound so i love
I swear im not
I just look up to her
shes like what?
21 22?
And shes just
amala
casual british person alama
who just happens to be sexy as balls and freaking amazing xD
Sorry its just weird to think how much descovering ... *counts on fingers* seven people who are all friends who share in one stupid ass hobby have changed me
And no one else will get that
so no one understands how much i love them
But like twin and jenna showed me what cosplay is
that its about having fun and doing whatever you can with what you have even if its a fucking leaf village head band and a jean tee combo
And they opened the door to this hole other world full of people that are like me
and then Parlé ... wow those girls... I mean I've talked about amala alot already but then theres Dani and Dani is just brilliant... shes like 6ft and used to be a model and is so funny and clever and really knowledgeable. And of course theres Jenn, who is fucking stunning and a brilliant actress/ video maker/ cosplayer but she also is the main person who gave me the confidence about being who I am her and Kelly. Cause like she just has this way with words and this way about her and it just gave me confidence. Her nd Kelly just really gave me the push towards saying
You know what? Im going to wear boots that are stupid and a shirt thats has fabric and chains in all the wrong places. Im going to have short hair and cosplay, im going to be fucking nerdy and not like the shit you like. Im going to go to cons and im going to be me. The me that since 12 I've wanted to be. Im finally going to have the balls to do it.
And thats thanks to a bunch of girls who post shit online
They've changed my life
and are part of the reason that im actually getting better
I mean a lot, a lot of getting out ooof my depression was me
But they're helping me stay oouot of it by helping to give me something to look forward to
Because doo you know what?
I may have no friends left
But im going to make new ones
And I wont let being alone get me down because If i could do it before while activily pushing people away and wanting to die
I can sure as fuck do it now when I dont want to die or even hurt myself and I have things that i look forward to and plan ahead for
So yeah
I just those girls and two guys
They make me happy and give me hope and make me laugh and inspire me
So im grateful
and wish I had someone to share the love with
but yeah
thats enough from me
sorry yola
nighty night
