...

lately i havent wanted to talk to anyone.
i feel bad for it
i kinda wish someone would be like hey, sam, whats wrong?
and i wish i could then tell them
well, you see, if i dont find a job soon i'm going to run out of money
i'd tell them about how stressful moving out is proving to be
i'd tell them about how bad my depression is lately
or how the monsters in my head have been winning lately
and i dont know what to do
I wish someone cared
im so scared yola
and my head keeps on promising me there's such a simple way to make it all go away
and i've been good
im being strong
there are razors downstairs that all still have their blades
and i guess in reality thats not really an accomplishment at all
but to me
it's pretty damn amazing
but no one congratulates you on not mutilating yourself
which is strange
since they dont want me to
and when i do it leads to all sorts of commotions
but no one ever says welldone for suffering through the urges
for making myself not. 
i dont know yola
im so fucking scared
and i feel so hopeless
like im trying really hard
and i dont know
i just want someone to reassure me or something
or to even ask whats wrong and actually want an answer

but until then
or until things get better
im just so tired of talking to people
they can just sit tight and fucking deal with it