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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, January 2, 2014
i think... one of the things i miss most in my life, is being in love.
like not being loved
thats nice toothough
but being in love is so great
and i can remember with nick, like there was this day, before we were together, but after our first kiss...
we were stood in the castle and like... it was fucking freezing so we were sort of huddled with both of us inside his hoodie... and he just sort of went "well come on then" and i dont reallg remember much past that kiss... but i remember feeling shit scared, and clueless, and my heart was beating a mile a minute, but i didnt seem to mind...
and i miss that
not him though
dont miss him
i just miss being in love
and loving someone and being able to just love them, and laugh with them and... well it always seemed to me that they are your best friend and the person who can bring out the best in you, or hold you up when you cant be... and i dont know... no matter how fucked uo this world gets and how little i understand it, love, just seems to be one of those rare good things. and i miss it.
of course love goes wrong, or is bad or harmful, its not perfect, people arent perfect... but when i think about that feeling of being able to love someone, having someone who has alowed you into their life and has allowed you the honor of loving them... its just.... its one of my favorite things.
of course it doesnt have to be romantic love. platonic love is beautiful too... only, it seems to go wrong for me a lot of the time... people stop seeing me as a friend and start using me as a means to an end, or a cheap ear... which i dont mind, i feel honoured that you trust me to tell me your problems, and i will within reason never say no to a friend... but... it gets old when thats all you're ever used for, when even the cloest friends just use you, never even asking how you feel
sometimes i wonder if thats why people stop asking in earnest how you are or if you need anything, because in the end all people seem to end up doing is take... and i give..and i never turn away... but that doesnt mean i dont feel tired... but it also doesnt mean i resent you... or blame them... life is hard.. take what you can get... all i ask is that you give back sometimes?
or am i being selfish again? i do that sometimes...
i dont know... this got off topic... im kind of sad about gina...thats why...
but yeah
i miss being in love znd being able to love someone, thats the best.
like not being loved
thats nice toothough
but being in love is so great
and i can remember with nick, like there was this day, before we were together, but after our first kiss...
we were stood in the castle and like... it was fucking freezing so we were sort of huddled with both of us inside his hoodie... and he just sort of went "well come on then" and i dont reallg remember much past that kiss... but i remember feeling shit scared, and clueless, and my heart was beating a mile a minute, but i didnt seem to mind...
and i miss that
not him though
dont miss him
i just miss being in love
and loving someone and being able to just love them, and laugh with them and... well it always seemed to me that they are your best friend and the person who can bring out the best in you, or hold you up when you cant be... and i dont know... no matter how fucked uo this world gets and how little i understand it, love, just seems to be one of those rare good things. and i miss it.
of course love goes wrong, or is bad or harmful, its not perfect, people arent perfect... but when i think about that feeling of being able to love someone, having someone who has alowed you into their life and has allowed you the honor of loving them... its just.... its one of my favorite things.
of course it doesnt have to be romantic love. platonic love is beautiful too... only, it seems to go wrong for me a lot of the time... people stop seeing me as a friend and start using me as a means to an end, or a cheap ear... which i dont mind, i feel honoured that you trust me to tell me your problems, and i will within reason never say no to a friend... but... it gets old when thats all you're ever used for, when even the cloest friends just use you, never even asking how you feel
sometimes i wonder if thats why people stop asking in earnest how you are or if you need anything, because in the end all people seem to end up doing is take... and i give..and i never turn away... but that doesnt mean i dont feel tired... but it also doesnt mean i resent you... or blame them... life is hard.. take what you can get... all i ask is that you give back sometimes?
or am i being selfish again? i do that sometimes...
i dont know... this got off topic... im kind of sad about gina...thats why...
but yeah
i miss being in love znd being able to love someone, thats the best.
