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Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, July 13, 2013
i dressed up as a girl today...for a little while..
It was odd
i felt like a totally different person
it felt like I was in a costume
I had on my turquoise wig and like this blue halter neck thing with a skirt and I'd done my makeup and everything...
And I just,
I would make a good girl... you know if a was a tad thinner and had my hair all long and shit...
Oh and if I ever felt like a girl or wanted to be seen as girly or liked wearing girls clothes and having long hair..
But yeah
It was weird
and it made me kind of sad
Cause like
I've started styling my hair differently of late
and padi said ït looks like boy hair"
And I guess thats kind of the point
fuck it i dont even know anymore
its like
im neither
but bot
because sometimes I dont mind that people see me as a girl
and other times I just want to have a flat chest and for people to see me as a dude
But whatever the case I wish people would call me sam
Its such a gender neutral name
like
girls and guys can be called sam
and it can be made girly just add an ie and then everyones happy.
But whenever I ask people to call me sam they say like dont like that name so they wont
but like I just wish people would
because when Gina and people from Tumbles call me Sammie, its like,
Yes.
This feels correct
Whereas people call me Bryony and im like
Wha....oh..oh..oh right that s m e helLlo?ㅁㅁㅁㅋㅋ
I dont know
But Like while I was dressed up it was like
Yeah, I'd love to be able to just dress like this sometimes.. Just put on a wig and be girly sammie for a day..
but people would never allow that... and I really fucking wish they could because fucking hell its a wig get the fuck over it.
God why can't I just be a girl?
Like my brother would never understand
and he'd be amn asshole about it
and like I dont know I just cant fucking do this shit anymore
I want to wear my binder whenever and demand you fuckin call me sam
But at the same time I want to be able to be able to dres up girly as fuck, wig or no wig and for no one to give a shit
or to at least deal with it after a while.
Like no
not even that
people dont have to be okay about it
I just want them to understand that thats what is happenning and that I want to be called sam now and if you want to call me he then thats fucking beautiful and I may kiss you on my mouth from love, joy and because you are a sexy human ( I can say this because I have good faith that not a single member of my family will ever be understanding about any of this shit... They dont like gay people and they can only just deal with Bran and she transitioned like three? years ago? and was transitioning for like three years before that... So thats we'll say at least five years and they are only just used to her, not that they understand it at all..and only tollerate bran because she was such a close family friend and I mean, Branwen is the most wonderful human ever how could you not love her? But yeah,if they can only just cope with someone thinking they are the opposite gender, how well could they take someone thinking they're both... but leaning heavily towards being male and gay.
oh lord they'd love that
I can see it now
maybe they wouldn't disown me
but they sure as fuck wouldn't understand
Oh lord
fuck my life
All I want is to have someone to cuddle and kiss a little (a lot) like im really not that fussy
I would like it if they didn't cheat on me after telling me how dumb I was being for being paranoid
but you know aside from that Im pretty easy going
And any jealously that dose arrise is usually because of me not because I dont trust people...I just know Im not all that pretty and who wants to date a nut job (hint: its no one. No one wants to date me)
Okay so this is just becoming whiny
so Im going to go
man I just wish one person would call me sam other thaan Gina (whom I love muchly)
I wouuuld also love somone to cuddle with
meh
cant get what you want in life I guess
nightly night yola
life sucks
I want to cut
and cry
but my shoulders are a mess and I go swimming now so people will notice new ones
in all the usual spots
-sigh-
goodnight
sam out.
It was odd
i felt like a totally different person
it felt like I was in a costume
I had on my turquoise wig and like this blue halter neck thing with a skirt and I'd done my makeup and everything...
And I just,
I would make a good girl... you know if a was a tad thinner and had my hair all long and shit...
Oh and if I ever felt like a girl or wanted to be seen as girly or liked wearing girls clothes and having long hair..
But yeah
It was weird
and it made me kind of sad
Cause like
I've started styling my hair differently of late
and padi said ït looks like boy hair"
And I guess thats kind of the point
fuck it i dont even know anymore
its like
im neither
but bot
because sometimes I dont mind that people see me as a girl
and other times I just want to have a flat chest and for people to see me as a dude
But whatever the case I wish people would call me sam
Its such a gender neutral name
like
girls and guys can be called sam
and it can be made girly just add an ie and then everyones happy.
But whenever I ask people to call me sam they say like dont like that name so they wont
but like I just wish people would
because when Gina and people from Tumbles call me Sammie, its like,
Yes.
This feels correct
Whereas people call me Bryony and im like
Wha....oh..oh..oh right that s m e helLlo?ㅁㅁㅁㅋㅋ
I dont know
But Like while I was dressed up it was like
Yeah, I'd love to be able to just dress like this sometimes.. Just put on a wig and be girly sammie for a day..
but people would never allow that... and I really fucking wish they could because fucking hell its a wig get the fuck over it.
God why can't I just be a girl?
Like my brother would never understand
and he'd be amn asshole about it
and like I dont know I just cant fucking do this shit anymore
I want to wear my binder whenever and demand you fuckin call me sam
But at the same time I want to be able to be able to dres up girly as fuck, wig or no wig and for no one to give a shit
or to at least deal with it after a while.
Like no
not even that
people dont have to be okay about it
I just want them to understand that thats what is happenning and that I want to be called sam now and if you want to call me he then thats fucking beautiful and I may kiss you on my mouth from love, joy and because you are a sexy human ( I can say this because I have good faith that not a single member of my family will ever be understanding about any of this shit... They dont like gay people and they can only just deal with Bran and she transitioned like three? years ago? and was transitioning for like three years before that... So thats we'll say at least five years and they are only just used to her, not that they understand it at all..and only tollerate bran because she was such a close family friend and I mean, Branwen is the most wonderful human ever how could you not love her? But yeah,if they can only just cope with someone thinking they are the opposite gender, how well could they take someone thinking they're both... but leaning heavily towards being male and gay.
oh lord they'd love that
I can see it now
maybe they wouldn't disown me
but they sure as fuck wouldn't understand
Oh lord
fuck my life
All I want is to have someone to cuddle and kiss a little (a lot) like im really not that fussy
I would like it if they didn't cheat on me after telling me how dumb I was being for being paranoid
but you know aside from that Im pretty easy going
And any jealously that dose arrise is usually because of me not because I dont trust people...I just know Im not all that pretty and who wants to date a nut job (hint: its no one. No one wants to date me)
Okay so this is just becoming whiny
so Im going to go
man I just wish one person would call me sam other thaan Gina (whom I love muchly)
I wouuuld also love somone to cuddle with
meh
cant get what you want in life I guess
nightly night yola
life sucks
I want to cut
and cry
but my shoulders are a mess and I go swimming now so people will notice new ones
in all the usual spots
-sigh-
goodnight
sam out.
