thoughts of things
Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, October 19, 2014
I dont know yola
i dont know
i dont know
i dpont kno w
i dont know
i dont fucking know yola
i dont know
i dont know
i dont know what to do
what to say where to go i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know
what do i do
where do i go
what do i say what do i choose what do i do
what do i do
what do i do
i dont know what to do
and i dont even have anyone to talk it through with
and like i've tired
they're just not
they didnt
you know
it wasnt
it lacked
and i dont know
because i really wish i was bleeding
or maybe not breathing
or maybe could just stop existing for a while
and theres a fear at the back of my head
that only ever appears when my brain knows im genuinly thinking of dieing
when it will claw at me trying to remind me how much the thought of me just
not
existing
just stopping
being nothing
never again being this
being me
being here
it terrifies me
its the only reason im still here
but sometimes
like right now
i just dont care
i just
dont care yola
its so scary
but life is scarier
i dont know what to do yola
what do i do
im so tired
so scared
so scared
so so so so so so so so so scared
so scared
what do i do yola
i dont know what to do
music is literally all thats holding me together
but sound waves arent water tight
and the darkness still gets in
i dont know what to do yola
i dont know where the anxiety ends and real life starts
i cant see past my depression
and which parts of my pessimism are genuine thoughts
and which are thought wrought lies contorted by too many nights of over thinking
my head is so messed up
im a perpetual perfectionist
stuck in the head of a continual fuck up
and thats rather fucking hard
im just letting everyone down
including myself
the world is so broken
i dont even really want to live in it
im so scared
of everything
and i dont know how to live with it
i stopped biting my nails only to clench my jaw harder
to bite my lips till bleeding
to pull out hair
and claw at skin
i stopped cutting
only due to a lack of blades
and a weird fear of using knives
too much power i thiink
to much possibility of death
i dont want him to find me
i dont want him to find me
oh god
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
#prfgj
fuck
why does even death have to so complicated
fuck
maybe i should sleep
maybe
goodnight
night yola
sorry for rambling
i dont know
i dont know
i dpont kno w
i dont know
i dont fucking know yola
i dont know
i dont know
i dont know what to do
what to say where to go i dont know i dont know i dont know i dont know
what do i do
where do i go
what do i say what do i choose what do i do
what do i do
what do i do
i dont know what to do
and i dont even have anyone to talk it through with
and like i've tired
they're just not
they didnt
you know
it wasnt
it lacked
and i dont know
because i really wish i was bleeding
or maybe not breathing
or maybe could just stop existing for a while
and theres a fear at the back of my head
that only ever appears when my brain knows im genuinly thinking of dieing
when it will claw at me trying to remind me how much the thought of me just
not
existing
just stopping
being nothing
never again being this
being me
being here
it terrifies me
its the only reason im still here
but sometimes
like right now
i just dont care
i just
dont care yola
its so scary
but life is scarier
i dont know what to do yola
what do i do
im so tired
so scared
so scared
so so so so so so so so so scared
so scared
what do i do yola
i dont know what to do
music is literally all thats holding me together
but sound waves arent water tight
and the darkness still gets in
i dont know what to do yola
i dont know where the anxiety ends and real life starts
i cant see past my depression
and which parts of my pessimism are genuine thoughts
and which are thought wrought lies contorted by too many nights of over thinking
my head is so messed up
im a perpetual perfectionist
stuck in the head of a continual fuck up
and thats rather fucking hard
im just letting everyone down
including myself
the world is so broken
i dont even really want to live in it
im so scared
of everything
and i dont know how to live with it
i stopped biting my nails only to clench my jaw harder
to bite my lips till bleeding
to pull out hair
and claw at skin
i stopped cutting
only due to a lack of blades
and a weird fear of using knives
too much power i thiink
to much possibility of death
i dont want him to find me
i dont want him to find me
oh god
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
#prfgj
fuck
why does even death have to so complicated
fuck
maybe i should sleep
maybe
goodnight
night yola
sorry for rambling
