this is just a HUGE fest of whining. eheheheheh xD
Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, August 5, 2012
I like meeting new people.
I like that they dont know me, and the dont know my story or whats happened to me
so for a while I get to act like I have a normal family. And that I have a mum and a dad... I get to act like I was never depressed or had any suicidal thoughts.
And thats nice
Its nice to have people who dont know how broken you are.
I mean most of my friends dont know just exactly how broken I am
But like new people have no clue
and I like that
cause lets face it
im pretty fucking broken
I have trust issues that go so deep I dont think they can ever be fixed again
Yet... I let people in far too quickly to a place that to me is far enough to hurt me even with all my walls up
I have scars that im pretty sure will never fade
most of which are on my left arm/shoulder
I'm depressed... like all the time
and its like the proper depression
where you're just depressed
there doesn't need to be a reason
I just am
Im probably transgender...though this week i've been thinking that maybe Im just a masculine female... but I dont know and its really starting to confuse and upset me.
I have anxiety
Confidence issues
I HATE everything about my body/ looks
I have no real talent at anything
Im not very smart
Im fat
Im way too nerdy and obsessive over things
Im weird
I miss my mum like all the time
Im really angry like all of the time
Yet I cry at fucking everything (Manly huh?)
And Im so fucking tired of being alone.
I just
all my life thats been the one thing thats gotten to me most
is being alone
and God damn it
I dont want to be alone anymore
But im so effing broken and fucked up
Who would want this
Who could get close enough to this and still want to be around.... even as a friend
cause so far
no one has
not one single person has stayed once they actually started to see me for what i am
be it as a friend or otherwise
I dont blame them of course
But you know
its kinda down heartening knowing that you're probably at least for the foreseeable future going to be pretty much alone.
And for some wierd reason my throat and chest hurt in a really strange way and i dont like it at all.
I like that they dont know me, and the dont know my story or whats happened to me
so for a while I get to act like I have a normal family. And that I have a mum and a dad... I get to act like I was never depressed or had any suicidal thoughts.
And thats nice
Its nice to have people who dont know how broken you are.
I mean most of my friends dont know just exactly how broken I am
But like new people have no clue
and I like that
cause lets face it
im pretty fucking broken
I have trust issues that go so deep I dont think they can ever be fixed again
Yet... I let people in far too quickly to a place that to me is far enough to hurt me even with all my walls up
I have scars that im pretty sure will never fade
most of which are on my left arm/shoulder
I'm depressed... like all the time
and its like the proper depression
where you're just depressed
there doesn't need to be a reason
I just am
Im probably transgender...though this week i've been thinking that maybe Im just a masculine female... but I dont know and its really starting to confuse and upset me.
I have anxiety
Confidence issues
I HATE everything about my body/ looks
I have no real talent at anything
Im not very smart
Im fat
Im way too nerdy and obsessive over things
Im weird
I miss my mum like all the time
Im really angry like all of the time
Yet I cry at fucking everything (Manly huh?)
And Im so fucking tired of being alone.
I just
all my life thats been the one thing thats gotten to me most
is being alone
and God damn it
I dont want to be alone anymore
But im so effing broken and fucked up
Who would want this
Who could get close enough to this and still want to be around.... even as a friend
cause so far
no one has
not one single person has stayed once they actually started to see me for what i am
be it as a friend or otherwise
I dont blame them of course
But you know
its kinda down heartening knowing that you're probably at least for the foreseeable future going to be pretty much alone.
And for some wierd reason my throat and chest hurt in a really strange way and i dont like it at all.
