...

Can i have someone now? 
Someone who tells me its okay, and listens to my crazy plans and either supports me, or tells me they really and truly are too foolish. 
Can i have someone to hold my hand and listen to me when i feel like the whole world is deaf to me and my thoughts?
Can I have someone to be me, for me? 
Because i am so very very tired of having a heart that will not let me rest of caring, even if i do a poor job or do not care at all, or do not wish to care, should i say. But i do and always do and i can not stop, and people do not understand how weary i get and how i cant just ignore them or not notice, because i do notice, and i do care, and i cant not at least try. 
And i have been alone for an awful long while now. 
And maybe thats my fault. 
It posbably is
And im pobably selfish and stupid to want for someone to care for me 
Because i know it does not work that way 
But im still a child 
And children are selfish 
Although i think 
People 
As a whole are selfish 
It is how we have come so far 
And why we have so much further to go
All i really know is that im tired 
And terrified 
And am going insane 

I do not want to be wealthy 
I do not want fame 
I dont want to be remembered 
I just want a something to do 
A purpose 
Something that is mine to do 
And that i ca do in peace
Maybe thats also asking too much 
I dont know 
I am after all a stupid fuck up with more scars on her wrists than good qualities 

I havent been able to write recently 

No stories 
No fanfic
No poems 

Im scared yola 

Goodnight.