...

I give my eart up too easily to people who dont want it
i trust people too quickly when they dont deserve it
you'd think ater all these years
after all these walls
after all the heart ache
i would have learnt
but it would seem i'm ust as stupid as before
im just as pathetic
and just as hopeless

why would anyone love me?
or like me?
i have no good qualities
unless being able to name and give excessive details about south korean celebrities counts as a good quality
because if  so i fucking own that
but it doesnt
most people just find it annoying

god

i tell myself time and time again

dont get your hopes up

but i still do
and it's stupid
and i need to stop it
people didn't care before
when it was new news
when i was alowd to be affected by it
so why would people care now
why would people care that your depression has NOTHING to do with her
because if it did i would feel as bad a i have the past few days
EVERY FUCKING DAY
no
my depression has been around since i was 11
and is the exact same reason i have around a month and a bit before I reach the last birthday i've ever expected myself to reach

I have never thought I will reach over 18
I dont even know why
there has always just been a voice in my head that says
"you wont get that far"
and i never thought to not believe it

So i guess it doesn't matter

just i just am tired of feeling so dissapointed when no one cares
and when i realise how alone i am
and when i remember that this really is it

goodnight yola.

thor 2 was good.

padi is a brilliant big brother.