...

its taking over again
how do I stop it?
Im scared
and alone
and I honestly dont know what to do anymore
Like is it this hard for everyone?
Cause some days, getting out of bed is an achievement
others im fine
but I have no power over it
I have no way to stop it
I dont know how
Cause breathing doesn't fix it
neither does telling myself im fine 
And im tired of the headaches
the belly ache
feeling sick
chewing my nails so much they bleed
biting the inside of my mouth until it hurts to talk
Clawing at my skin
not being able to sit still
losing feeling in my body
becoming so desensitized to the world I forget how to talk
Becoming so scared I deeply consider never speaking again
Shaking
muscle spasms 
my head going weird so I cant think
Being tired all the fucking time
having sore muscles from being so tense for hours on end
loss of control
loss of rational thought
loss of concentration
being confused
stuttering
Being angry
depression
hopelessness
tight chest
inability to breath
on the brink of tears
unsure of what to do with myself
Hyperventilation
being scared
panicking
and never knowing why
Cause I dont know why
all I know is college is where its worst
well consistently worst
other places are foul also

and being so well conditioned into not ever showing emotion or pain that I cant even let it show so I sit and suffer in silence as I slowly go insane

fuck yola what am I going to do