Today. The 18th of the fifth in 2011.

Hi, My name is Bronnie.
Im 15
Red(ish) hair
Short (5ft 6)
Hazel eyes
And my favorite colour is black.
I listen to mostly metal and rock music.
I like to wear skinny jeans and wear dark clothes with dark makeup
I dropped out of school to become home ed.
I love my friends
And I'm a happy hyper person who loves to laugh
And thats me

However. that's me on a good day.
those don't happen so often any more.
You see, I'm depressed.
Well actually; Im a depressed, suicidal, Emo, cutter with anxiety problems that hates herself .

It all started when i was like ten, I just couldn't be happy. But i never thought much of it, and even when stopped sleeping and just didn't want to exist anymore, I thought nothing of it. Because my family didn't care, mum was depressed, dad was drunk and my brother? out. so I grew becoming more and more of a lie. hiding how i felt, lying even to myself. I forgot who i was. and I lost the girl i used to be.
Then around when i was 13 my parents got divorced. That didn't bother me, i'd seen it coming since i was 9. It was more the fact that my dad became  money grabbing selfish twat that went out of his way to make myself and my mother unhappy. But you know, people go through worse right? So I didn't care.
My parents got divorced or at least separated on October 30th 2008.  Sadly just after i turned 14 in 2009 my mother was taken ill. with cancer. A rare form of ovarian cancer that was incurable and didn't respond well to treatment. 
So fatherless, brother-less, Left looking after a terminally ill woman who used to be so damned strong, fade away. Week, empty, angry, cold, distant, unloving .. my mother had faded away. She be the end didn't even know who i was.
So on the 30th of October 2010 My mother, Suzanne Elizabeth Horncy Passed away. Leaving me alone.
Its now months down the line and much has happened. although I couldn't tell you much, every day is a blur, this morning feels like a week ago, but last week could have been yesterday. Nothing makes sense. Nothing makes it better. Cold, alone, empty.
 Well, at least nothing used to be able to make things better. But you see, in october of last year, i met a boy. And this boy seemed to understand better than anyone else what its like. He cared and listened and understood. We became close friends very quickly. And now 8 months later, hes my boyfriend. And i honest to god know I would not be here without him. I mean hell, There are things he cant fix (even though im sure he'd try) But he just makes me happy, and makes everything okay again.
But back to my point. this boy of mine he cared, and he showed me that i don't have to be alone. That I can love people, and trust them and they wont leave or hurt me.
Without him I would have killed myself. I've tried three times, twice by drowning, once by pills and cutting (The last didnt really work at all) But that was a point in my life, where every passing car was a way out, every sharp edge, every pills, every area of water, Any form of harm i just wanted to stop hurting. I wanted it to go away. So until i could kill myself i cut. A LOT...well not as much as some... but you see a year ago i had three scars. Now since November I have over 400. Words of hate, deep cuts. small ones, hidden ones. Anything to rid of the pain. I convinced myself there was no other way and nothing would help me.
Thankfully, that time is ending now, And slowly i'm picking myself up. Over the next moths/year. I will documenting on here; my progress, thoughts, advise, life, anything.
This is just a depressed girls pursuit or happyiess.