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Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Fuck
Hey yola
i dont know
Im fucking sad all of a sudden
And my anxiety is up
SO JUST FUCK OKAY!
Do you remember when I used to say being alone was my worst fear...
Like I could deal with everything else
But being alone....
Was just too much
Turns out Im stronger than before
Because I haven't died yet
Havent even cut
But its getting to me yola
cause I literally have no one left
and no one I want to try to get back into my life
Jake is being a weird cunt at the moment and I cant talk to him
My other friends have made it quite clear they dont want me around (Aka sioned, jessie, emily, charlie, ect)
Dylan is an annoying git
trin lives in fucking Ireland and is never online
And the only other friend I guess I have is Nick,
So yeah, no one left
Im left with
Kellie, who is lovely but I only see once a week...
Chris, in lessons, but thats just more of a "hey you're a person on my course" Thing. I think I annoy him.
And Rasi (Jenna) who lives in America...
And Im just so fucking tired of being alone
I dont know what I did to lose everyone
I didn't think I was that much of a terrible person
Or that bad a friend.
I wish one of them would tell me what I did
You know, just so I know
All I ever try to do, even when I was at my worst was be nice, even if i couldn't bring myself to be happy
I know i dont talk to people all the time
but I thought people knew that its not them, or that I dont want to talk its that im terrified im annoying them or that they dont want to talk to me, So I use the logic that if they want to talk, they can message me first, because then I'll know...
It just sucks
Because I have all these places I want to go and things I want to do, things you need people with you for, to share with... but I have no one to share it with...
I dont even have anyone I can think of doing anything for my birthday with
which is sad
And Im trying to stay positive. Tell myself it doesn't matter, find quiet places to read during lunch, concentrating on my future, getting better at sewing... Aand it works most of the time... but I get moments, when I just ... I dont know... wonder why Im alone... Wonder why Im always the person by himself that people stare at as I walk by.
Because I like being alone, and I love reading, I dont mind being an outsider, and im used to being different.... but I wish i didn't feel like an outsider all of the fucking time T_T
Im sorry for ranting... I just needed to write it out
And its not as if anyone reads this shit really is it?
*sigh*
Night night yola
Hey yola
i dont know
Im fucking sad all of a sudden
And my anxiety is up
SO JUST FUCK OKAY!
Do you remember when I used to say being alone was my worst fear...
Like I could deal with everything else
But being alone....
Was just too much
Turns out Im stronger than before
Because I haven't died yet
Havent even cut
But its getting to me yola
cause I literally have no one left
and no one I want to try to get back into my life
Jake is being a weird cunt at the moment and I cant talk to him
My other friends have made it quite clear they dont want me around (Aka sioned, jessie, emily, charlie, ect)
Dylan is an annoying git
trin lives in fucking Ireland and is never online
And the only other friend I guess I have is Nick,
So yeah, no one left
Im left with
Kellie, who is lovely but I only see once a week...
Chris, in lessons, but thats just more of a "hey you're a person on my course" Thing. I think I annoy him.
And Rasi (Jenna) who lives in America...
And Im just so fucking tired of being alone
I dont know what I did to lose everyone
I didn't think I was that much of a terrible person
Or that bad a friend.
I wish one of them would tell me what I did
You know, just so I know
All I ever try to do, even when I was at my worst was be nice, even if i couldn't bring myself to be happy
I know i dont talk to people all the time
but I thought people knew that its not them, or that I dont want to talk its that im terrified im annoying them or that they dont want to talk to me, So I use the logic that if they want to talk, they can message me first, because then I'll know...
It just sucks
Because I have all these places I want to go and things I want to do, things you need people with you for, to share with... but I have no one to share it with...
I dont even have anyone I can think of doing anything for my birthday with
which is sad
And Im trying to stay positive. Tell myself it doesn't matter, find quiet places to read during lunch, concentrating on my future, getting better at sewing... Aand it works most of the time... but I get moments, when I just ... I dont know... wonder why Im alone... Wonder why Im always the person by himself that people stare at as I walk by.
Because I like being alone, and I love reading, I dont mind being an outsider, and im used to being different.... but I wish i didn't feel like an outsider all of the fucking time T_T
Im sorry for ranting... I just needed to write it out
And its not as if anyone reads this shit really is it?
*sigh*
Night night yola
