college and being forever alone

September 10, 2012
Hey yola
so
college started today
Was alright
No worse and no better than expected
Spoke to one person the whole day... not even an exaggeration
Hes pretty okay though, Massive gay man who loves anime
Hes called Alex :3
I dont think Im going to make any friends on my course
which will be fun
Since cause we're the catering lot my lunch is wayyyyyy after everyone else has eaten normally
but for this week it should be okay
*maybe*
*sigh* its stupid.. but im still pretty hurt by what adam did
and i dont think he even knows he did it
cause he forgets that I of all people have the lowest self esteem going
So yeah, still feeling pretty crap because of his of so subtle reminder of
AHHAHAHAHA you're so undesirable it hurts others! FOREVER ALONE!!
but oh well
ima go now
buh bye

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

fucking Anime

September 8, 2012
I should stop watching Ouran... Its just making me sad
But I probably wont

But Honey-Senpai is adorable!

Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Im so tired of men, they only seem capable of hurting me, Im going back in the hurt cave

September 8, 2012
Dear Adam
Im sorry when did it become your turn to be a total utter mind fuck
This morning You start out pretty much asking me out and now you're ignoring me
Thanks for that hun.
And thats the first time you've spoken to me since the CYC thing. WHICH You didnt talk to me to through pretty much the whole thing.
The only time you paid any attention to me AT ALL! Was either when Ryan and I were getting along well... Or when I came to you pretty much in tears cause I thought I'd lost my Necklace ...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

kppnpubyvvyvyh0uuuwubwwppwwpwpwbnpwbnprbkrkp

September 8, 2012
*sigh* I had an awesome day yola... so why am I so sad?


Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Fun times wooo :3

September 6, 2012
Soup yola
So im here cause i totally avoiding wiring :L
Which is mad
but you know
Here I am
But its grate cause last night I had a few hours of creativity!
And I wrote the history my story has been so desperately needing for the past forever
and its
Well its not shit
it needs work
BUT DFHBKLSDXCFGHUKLPSERFTGYHUK PROGRESS!
I came up with this story idea while a bajillion miles from home melting from heat and depressed out my mind
But Its finally got some depth to it and every time I come back ...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

I had a werid dream

September 4, 2012
I had the best yet weirdest dream last night!
I dreamed I ran away to go to a convention... in either California or Australia (I really cant remember)  I even went through the proses of looking at tickets and stuff
And just bought them
And on the flight over I somehow stopped in Sweden and stay with Shiki and Joss (Cosplayers I love)
And then went to this con and it was really weird and not very con like... there were bouncy castles everywhere and un supervised children faceplanting the floor
A...
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Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Today I am sad

September 4, 2012
Tonight I am sad
Im sad because no one loves me
and im sad because I feel so alone
Im sad because I miss my mum
and that harry potter ended
Im sad because Twin and nova and Val are right now in england and that if I had one decent friend I could have met them this week even gotten a hug from val..
Im sad because Im missing Alcon
So I wont get to meet any of Parlé
Im sad
And Im sad because so much of last year feels like a fucking lie
My friends
Nick
School
Life
I was just a cesspit of misery and...
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Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Wow Im sorry this whole lack of talking to people things seems to be making me just rant at you yola im sorry

September 3, 2012
I just realized something (Yeah I do that a alot)
A few months ago I realized I dont feel comfortable identifying as female
And told like
what
two people?
And since then
I've like come to terms with it
and become at peace with the fact theres fuck all I can do for over a year
So I realized the best thing for me to do is to just role as Andrognous for now since thats not too far off what I am not anyway
but heres where I start go get lost
because I want to be called sam
And I really would love a girl...
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Posted by bronwen wild.

 

This time will be different! Im not going to let them win

September 2, 2012
I feel so loved
Happy birthday sioned
I guess why would you want to break a 5 year streak of not wanting me around?
Love you too hun
High school friends
Yeah I never thought I'd keep you
This
this right here is why I want to start cosplay
Meet decent people
who like what i like
And
Understand
Well that and it will be something to look forward to
And if I join cosplay cymru south I'll have a meet up every month (Ish kinda)
So YAY!
Sorry Im sad but I really need to stay positive and since I have n...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

random post ^_^

September 1, 2012
Im such a spaz yola xD
The past two nights have been pretty light out
and all nice and stuff
So i've just been running around outside like a dick
swirling around and ninja kicking and shit
Oh and pretending to be sailor moon
Cause I had on a skirt and was feeling pathetic yet badass xD
Was fun :L
and of course singing xD
Poor wildlife
Having to listen to my singing at this time of night
Calmed me down though :3
SQUEE Ordered my wig! And its ALREADY been shipped! I LOVE HONGKONG They're so fri...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

yhu uikuh

August 30, 2012
No thats fine dont feel you need to reply
or even give the standard brb
s'cool

Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Okay so I ended up ranting again... sorry yoollla you know its cause I love you

August 30, 2012
BLLLAAAAARARGFLARGGAHHHHHHHHHHHFUCKINGDOCTORS!!!! FUCK YOU!
Okay
so yeah
doctors today
consensus ?
Until you're 18 you have to suffer with your mental illness alone, unhelped and we also wont take it seriously
but here let me talk to you in a quiet condescending voice while I tell you about the useless uni drop outs with no real qualifications we can send you to that'll fuck you up even more
OH
and since Im feeling nice
have these pills
which I dont think will really help
but
You know
You look ...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

I am happy! :L

August 30, 2012
SQUEEEEEEEEE ^_^ Just ordered my wig :D :D :D
I could buy the whole fricken cosplay today xD
But I kinda like having some money in my account. :3
BUT WOOO
Gonna go order a wig cap since I THINK this one comes with one but... not 100% Sure :L
I am a happy ^_^
(Only like two weeks to wait for it now xD)


Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

That depressing moment when you realize that a website is the only thing that cares enough to listen

August 29, 2012
*sigh*
I hope the doctor can give me somat tomorrow
cause I mean
Otherwise... Im fucked
And no one cares
thats the fun thing
well no
Jake cares bless his soul
But he doesn't get it
and neither dose anyone else
no one else seems to get how badly this affects me and always has
because I just dont talk about it
And im only making anything of it now because its becoming crippling
Like leaving my room is scary
And I really do just lose the ability to communicate and function normally after going out...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Oh god im glad im going to the doctors tomorrow

August 29, 2012
I just had a full on breakdown
Lordeh
havent had one of those in a while
I mean it had everything
Rocking back and forth
zoning out
crying
hair pulling
Almost cutting (didnt though so am pretty proud)
panicking about nothing
Wondering around
hyperventilating
Not knowing what the fuck to do with myself
getting scared
It was fun!
Good lord I would like a hug
 


Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Im fucked.

August 29, 2012
Me? anxiety? noooo
I didnt just hide under my blanket while frantically breathing and repeating "I dont get signal in my room" after getting a phone call.. and quarter of an hour later my heart totally isnt still calming down....
^_^

Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Bahahahaha

August 29, 2012
Amala is still up on tumblr
good lord she makes my life better I swear!
I wish I was going to Alcon so I could meet her! D:
But oh well untill then I shall love her from afar too awkward to ever say anything to her
xD
God 5 am is so much better with her awake or her queue at least (Im not sure which it is she has work (yeah I know about her life) tomorrow so probably queue xD)
Im sorry I had to tell something I just dxfcgvhbnkml love her
OH
while im here
cut my hair
pretty happy with it I Must ...
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Posted by bronwen wild.

 

A happy post ^^

August 28, 2012
Talking to jake
eating baby bell
listening to...whatever the fuck is playing right now on my playlist
have a doctors appointment on thursday
Have mode my wall of doodles better
S'a good day ^_^
OH! And I have finally decided what my first cosplay will be
its a total cop out cause im buying all of it
but no fucks were given
like im going to make a fucking black skirt and while shirt just for this
S'gonna be cool
even found a decent wig
Which made me happy xD
AND there is a cosplay meet up everym...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

I am broken and this is a fucking whiny ass rant about my mum and shit like that.

August 27, 2012
Hey yola
so really
I only have one thing to say today
and its pretty fucking simple
I miss my mum
I miss her
And im so tried of feeling bad or embarrassed or whatever for missing her
My whole life was effectively ruined by her death
It hasn't been
but it could have
And She never got to do any of the real mum things with me
or any of the big mum things with either of us
And thats unfair
Cause like she wasn't there when I had my heart broken
And she wasn't there to do the mum things that go along w...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 

Im sorry for being whiny

August 26, 2012
Finally I apear to be having a lucid moment
not sure how long it will last of course
but I thought I should at least write down some of the things that have me worried of late
number one
is
eh
TMI for other humans really but ya know since I havent had sex since febuary and my period is like a good 3 weeks late... im... oh whats the word... worried
But you know
They said everything down there was fine right?
and its not like doctors get this stuff wrong
right?
I had a scan, I'm fine. the pain has st...
Continue reading...

Posted by bronwen wild.

 
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