okay so I went on a total ramble. im sorry its nothing important though so no worries :L
Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, July 27, 2012
*I go on a massive ramble about absolutely fuck all. and its totally off topic and pointless :L I apologize
Gah so much thinking T_T
Which is driving me mad! D:
Fucking brain
Cause like the past two nights i've just been sat here like
"Eh, be a girl? i dont think we are, but it'll be easier"
and then my brain gets all "AHHHHHHHH DOUBT!"
and then im all "Stfu do you want to be in chronic pain again?"
and I dont know T_T
cause (warning this is me just rambling out loud from here on out, im not sure how long this could go on for or what tangents i may go off on. run away while you still can!)
You see, like I know that im not female. But then I think. But what if i make a really ugly ass dude? And like i still really do like girls clothes... no not girls clothes. the pretty shit. eg. corsets and the like. but i really dont like wearing that shit.
and then im all,
be a girl? Slight chance you wont be forever alone.
Be a guy? Forever an alone freak.
and I dont know. Im full of confusion
and self doubt
and GAH!
Cause i still feel sure about this
I do dislike my female body, and being recognized as a girl
Gah i dont know
But its annoying
cause like
i feel like if i go back on this (I dont want to, and I dont think I ever will)
I feel like the people i've told will I dont know how to put it into words.. like think I was lying or trying to get attention or some shit
which is also annoying
since I havent told a single person
"Im trans"
I've said
Hey this is a thing thats happening and i THINK I MAY POSSIBLY Be trans... Theres no definite there, since for all I know i may just be a manly girl, or firmly androgynous. Which is how i'd have to live untill at least December next year anyway. but still people seem to take it as me coming out and saying. "I am I man. i am sure of this. fetch me women and booze."
Its annoying
and I hate how my mind keeps flip flopping
and I have nooooo idea what to do
so i just sit here thinking
and stewing in my own self hate and doubt.
GAH!
and it doesnt help that padi has gotten REALLY odd around me
but like not how you'd expect
oh no
hes just annoying to the point where i get pissed off
and then he gets huffy and wont talk to me for the rest of the day
its pissing me off
I didnt want to fucking tell him
I wanted to wait till i was more sure
but he wouldn't let it go
he pushed and pushed
fucking cunt
Gah
I miss having friends
Though I chickened out of that too
was invited to a beach thing tomorrow
lied so i didnt have to go
fr two reasons
One lack of going means no seeing people and having to drink
two, saves answering questions and talking to certain people.
GAAH!
I dont know what the fuck to do
and I am I giant ball of confuse
and sitting on tumblr today has made me sad
due to watching all the cute couples be cute
and watching the awesome friends be awesome and funny
and im just sat there
alone
like
fuck
but i also dont like any of my friends
cause they're... uh
crap?
Yup
Well no
Jade, Dan, Adam(s)... All awesome...
Jess, Sioned, Em, Charlie... Yeah the ones who're supposed to be my 'best friends'?
they're nice and all
and I love spending time with them
but whats the use in having friends
if I cant even be a little bit me like?
Like With those guys I can't even be nerdy.
Cause they're all the really annoying fake gamer gurl nurdz xD KAWAIIIIIII bullshit twats who read twilight and enjoy One direction.
And just i dont even
I mean sure I game... But I dont brag about it really cause well mainly aside from the fact I suck, I dont really play that much anymore. Like i used to. I even played wow for a while (ololololol I was awful!) But women STFU like NOW! about dis shit. Most of you never played zelda, or read an effing bat man comic. Or fucking read Scot Pilgrim Vs the World yet you still have the effing comic poster. And please for the love of fucking god STOP WEARING STAR WARS SHIRTS IF YOU HVE NOT WATCHED THE MOVIE! GAH Pissed me off
why yes
I have gone from ranting about my gender identity to how much my friends piss me off
Well mostly charlie
I cant stand that wench
You know
She used to hate star wars
and gaming
and think it was stupid
then
Suddenly
she has steam
and loves dragonage
And is Teffie and Davids bff
and is going to a fucking lan
but didnt know startcraft was a fucking lan game
*keyboard smash*
and the rest of them are just as bad
aside from Jess
who's just quiet
and yet still at 16
doesnt really have a personality
Like the only thing i know about jess as in likes and dislikes
is that she likes Florance and the machine and she likes the boosh
And I dont know
It just sucks
Which I why i want to do cosplay
cause there'll be people there
who understand
and who are the same
and they wont judge
or laugh
And
I dunno
It seems that most cosplayers
Either like to be gloriously homo or just love homo
And are just cool people
And i'd like to get in on that
cause i mean as much as i'd love to like know Parle (who are currnetly my favorite people on earth) London is a long way away, and the only place I'd get to meet them is Alcon. where they may not be going next year.
which sucks balls
because they are amazing
And thanks to Charlot I have my new favorite thing to shout at people
and thanks to Jenn I have my two new favorite words. Defenestrated and uh..... a really long ass word that I have currently totally forgotten.
But yeah they're amazing.
and it just makes me feel sad that im just kinda sat alone with no friends just like. "sup internet .... hohohohho home alone again"
Cause i dont even have a "best friend" any more
and this maketh me sad "/
most people with no friends at least have that
but im just here like
Hellloooo
I have no friends
wooooo
im going to go be manly while hating myself over here
im sorry this is so long
but after like deleting so many of these rambles I feel that i should post one of them .. this is like the fifth one i've done in the past few days
all with different topics
uch i just looked at my arm T_T
It looks horrible
all the ones from Feb are going into the proper scaring faze where they go all white
and it looks so horrible
"/
sigh
i really dont know what to do
im going to go now
and probably watch bleach
its a good show yo
bleh
bye yola sorry for rambling
Gah so much thinking T_T
Which is driving me mad! D:
Fucking brain
Cause like the past two nights i've just been sat here like
"Eh, be a girl? i dont think we are, but it'll be easier"
and then my brain gets all "AHHHHHHHH DOUBT!"
and then im all "Stfu do you want to be in chronic pain again?"
and I dont know T_T
cause (warning this is me just rambling out loud from here on out, im not sure how long this could go on for or what tangents i may go off on. run away while you still can!)
You see, like I know that im not female. But then I think. But what if i make a really ugly ass dude? And like i still really do like girls clothes... no not girls clothes. the pretty shit. eg. corsets and the like. but i really dont like wearing that shit.
and then im all,
be a girl? Slight chance you wont be forever alone.
Be a guy? Forever an alone freak.
and I dont know. Im full of confusion
and self doubt
and GAH!
Cause i still feel sure about this
I do dislike my female body, and being recognized as a girl
Gah i dont know
But its annoying
cause like
i feel like if i go back on this (I dont want to, and I dont think I ever will)
I feel like the people i've told will I dont know how to put it into words.. like think I was lying or trying to get attention or some shit
which is also annoying
since I havent told a single person
"Im trans"
I've said
Hey this is a thing thats happening and i THINK I MAY POSSIBLY Be trans... Theres no definite there, since for all I know i may just be a manly girl, or firmly androgynous. Which is how i'd have to live untill at least December next year anyway. but still people seem to take it as me coming out and saying. "I am I man. i am sure of this. fetch me women and booze."
Its annoying
and I hate how my mind keeps flip flopping
and I have nooooo idea what to do
so i just sit here thinking
and stewing in my own self hate and doubt.
GAH!
and it doesnt help that padi has gotten REALLY odd around me
but like not how you'd expect
oh no
hes just annoying to the point where i get pissed off
and then he gets huffy and wont talk to me for the rest of the day
its pissing me off
I didnt want to fucking tell him
I wanted to wait till i was more sure
but he wouldn't let it go
he pushed and pushed
fucking cunt
Gah
I miss having friends
Though I chickened out of that too
was invited to a beach thing tomorrow
lied so i didnt have to go
fr two reasons
One lack of going means no seeing people and having to drink
two, saves answering questions and talking to certain people.
GAAH!
I dont know what the fuck to do
and I am I giant ball of confuse
and sitting on tumblr today has made me sad
due to watching all the cute couples be cute
and watching the awesome friends be awesome and funny
and im just sat there
alone
like
fuck
but i also dont like any of my friends
cause they're... uh
crap?
Yup
Well no
Jade, Dan, Adam(s)... All awesome...
Jess, Sioned, Em, Charlie... Yeah the ones who're supposed to be my 'best friends'?
they're nice and all
and I love spending time with them
but whats the use in having friends
if I cant even be a little bit me like?
Like With those guys I can't even be nerdy.
Cause they're all the really annoying fake gamer gurl nurdz xD KAWAIIIIIII bullshit twats who read twilight and enjoy One direction.
And just i dont even
I mean sure I game... But I dont brag about it really cause well mainly aside from the fact I suck, I dont really play that much anymore. Like i used to. I even played wow for a while (ololololol I was awful!) But women STFU like NOW! about dis shit. Most of you never played zelda, or read an effing bat man comic. Or fucking read Scot Pilgrim Vs the World yet you still have the effing comic poster. And please for the love of fucking god STOP WEARING STAR WARS SHIRTS IF YOU HVE NOT WATCHED THE MOVIE! GAH Pissed me off
why yes
I have gone from ranting about my gender identity to how much my friends piss me off
Well mostly charlie
I cant stand that wench
You know
She used to hate star wars
and gaming
and think it was stupid
then
Suddenly
she has steam
and loves dragonage
And is Teffie and Davids bff
and is going to a fucking lan
but didnt know startcraft was a fucking lan game
*keyboard smash*
and the rest of them are just as bad
aside from Jess
who's just quiet
and yet still at 16
doesnt really have a personality
Like the only thing i know about jess as in likes and dislikes
is that she likes Florance and the machine and she likes the boosh
And I dont know
It just sucks
Which I why i want to do cosplay
cause there'll be people there
who understand
and who are the same
and they wont judge
or laugh
And
I dunno
It seems that most cosplayers
Either like to be gloriously homo or just love homo
And are just cool people
And i'd like to get in on that
cause i mean as much as i'd love to like know Parle (who are currnetly my favorite people on earth) London is a long way away, and the only place I'd get to meet them is Alcon. where they may not be going next year.
which sucks balls
because they are amazing
And thanks to Charlot I have my new favorite thing to shout at people
and thanks to Jenn I have my two new favorite words. Defenestrated and uh..... a really long ass word that I have currently totally forgotten.
But yeah they're amazing.
and it just makes me feel sad that im just kinda sat alone with no friends just like. "sup internet .... hohohohho home alone again"
Cause i dont even have a "best friend" any more
and this maketh me sad "/
most people with no friends at least have that
but im just here like
Hellloooo
I have no friends
wooooo
im going to go be manly while hating myself over here
im sorry this is so long
but after like deleting so many of these rambles I feel that i should post one of them .. this is like the fifth one i've done in the past few days
all with different topics
uch i just looked at my arm T_T
It looks horrible
all the ones from Feb are going into the proper scaring faze where they go all white
and it looks so horrible
"/
sigh
i really dont know what to do
im going to go now
and probably watch bleach
its a good show yo
bleh
bye yola sorry for rambling
