no but
Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, November 8, 2013
at the moment i'm not very bad
like
im bored out of my mind with nothing to do
but im not bad
i dont really dislike myself
and i'm thinking about the future
but
im still not okay
or like wanting to be here
so whaat does it take?
because I dont understand
I have worked alone through most of my problems
but im still alone
and no one cares
no one cares at all
the only time i ever have anything nice said to me is when i write fucking fanfic, because hey who doesn't love that?
and what does it say about me when I cant be bothered to go online to talk to my friends
because i dont want to skype and i dont want to have to stop everything i'm doing just to talk to them
it's tiring and annoying and boring
so I dont
andd then i feel bad
but
what am I to do?
i would love to get out from these four walls
but with evey passing year it's becoming less and less like it's ever going to happen
and I have to wonder what the point of it is
what the point of planning for the future is
when it can all be taken away so quick
when everything can change and leave nothing
when i've been stuck here for so long
that no one seems to want to ever let me out
how can they call this living?
why is this what we strive for?
how is this better?
how?
I just dont get it
but i buy into it
like today
dad bought me my birthday/christmass gifts
and like
hooollllllyyyy moooo on a bike
i am suppperrrr happy
becuase he's got me like ten things
and they're all really cool
like a GD one of a kind t shirt
and cd's and just EEEEEEE
but like
why does it matter?
i just
dont
get it
and I probably never will
so along with being oh so very alone
i will never understand the point
and they wonder why Im not happy here
like
im bored out of my mind with nothing to do
but im not bad
i dont really dislike myself
and i'm thinking about the future
but
im still not okay
or like wanting to be here
so whaat does it take?
because I dont understand
I have worked alone through most of my problems
but im still alone
and no one cares
no one cares at all
the only time i ever have anything nice said to me is when i write fucking fanfic, because hey who doesn't love that?
and what does it say about me when I cant be bothered to go online to talk to my friends
because i dont want to skype and i dont want to have to stop everything i'm doing just to talk to them
it's tiring and annoying and boring
so I dont
andd then i feel bad
but
what am I to do?
i would love to get out from these four walls
but with evey passing year it's becoming less and less like it's ever going to happen
and I have to wonder what the point of it is
what the point of planning for the future is
when it can all be taken away so quick
when everything can change and leave nothing
when i've been stuck here for so long
that no one seems to want to ever let me out
how can they call this living?
why is this what we strive for?
how is this better?
how?
I just dont get it
but i buy into it
like today
dad bought me my birthday/christmass gifts
and like
hooollllllyyyy moooo on a bike
i am suppperrrr happy
becuase he's got me like ten things
and they're all really cool
like a GD one of a kind t shirt
and cd's and just EEEEEEE
but like
why does it matter?
i just
dont
get it
and I probably never will
so along with being oh so very alone
i will never understand the point
and they wonder why Im not happy here
