kpop an d panic attacks
Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Hey yola
god i dont even know
i just started crying and i cant seem to stop
i've been randomly crying a lot lately
and i keep randomly getting panic attacks
and the shakes
and they dont last long
but
litterally nothing is triggering them
yet here i am
having an anxiet attack
will full on hyperventalating (how the fuck do you even spell that fucking word?)
And crying
and I cantt seem to stop
because every time i stop
it just starts again
and i dont know why
all I was doing is reading, listening to music and eating
that is litterally my favorite thing to do
I dont know what to do
okay
i think i'm okay again
maybe
god i dont even know anymore
help me
i've run out of vixx diary's to watch and they are kind of the only thing thats been keeping me sane.
im not even sure how i fell in love with vixx so much.
I started out jjust liking hyde and thinking leo was hot
and then suddenly I know all their names can identify them by their hair or left elbow or whatever and own all of their music (okay so they dont have THAT much out since they only debuted like a year and a bit ago but still they have like four? singles and one full album which is more than exo and I dont own all that shit) and now leo is like third favorite and Hongbin is just perfect and asdfghjk how can one human be told he is goodlooking by every single person he meets and still be humble? I mean shit hes just so cute and dorky and even though hes the main visual of the band from the way he acts you'd think N or Ravi were or even Ken(lol sorry bby but you are paid to sing and be dumb and then be pretty) and he doesnt even like people seeing him as a visual so he works really hard at his dancing and singing and just flower boys *sigh*
I have just realised I like Key for pretty much exactly the same reasons and aside from Hongki they are like my main bias's. So YAY for that or something
yes. II fucking well am rambling about kpop idols, because at some point during that rant my anxiety died down compleatly. and I havent felt this calm in fucking days.
so fuck you if you have a problem with my liking kpop
its sort of the only thing I have in my life right now thats good
because i've been feeling to on edge to do any sewing for fear of ending up losing all passion for the art due to a single tiny fuck up
I dont know anymore
Im depressed out of my mind
and my anxiety is at an all time high since my stomache pain stopped again
and i get shit from everyone for the one thing that makes any of it even slightly better
not that I get much shit
since i have no fucking friends
but you get the point
You know I probably shouldn't whine like this on the interent
one day it'll come back to bite me
im sure
but its the only person i have to talk to
because i cant talk to padi
he's just as bad as i am
and well
i dont have anyone esle
im sorry
i just
i dont want to stop writing
because im scared it'll come back once i go
so can I talk to you about vixx some more? or kpop
yeah
lets talk about that
So, right, I get that a lot of people dont get why I like kpop but an not the biggest fan of apop and britpop and that sort of shit
and honestly i didn't know either for a while
but i think i've come to the bottom of it now
Riight, so with our pop music you've got the girls singing their whiny "why dont you love me?" or " you'll regret not loving me" songs while guys get the " Im such a good guy you should love me" and "tits, tits, ass and tits, lets fucking objectify some woman while im in a fucking nice car" sort of music. Right so thats cool. And yeah there are MANY exceptions to that. But not only that but a lot of artists, no matter what nice people they are the fame sort of goes to their heads and they become well, little shits (see Justin beiber and 1D and tailor swift) They dont appriciate their fans, the money or the fame, they just sort of seem to expect it and the only time you ever really hear their thankful is when they win awards. and NO im not saying this goes for all of them. And I do like some mainstream pop music and groups (non spring to mind but I know I do) Im not bashing them at all (well not intentionally) I just dont like some aspects of the way we treat celebs here and how they treat their fame in turn
Whereas Korean idols? They work for fucking YEARS and have no idea if they'll even get to debut or not. and then one day they go from trainee's to Idols. They work from dawn till well dawn the next day sometimes without sleep getting what we would consider very little money. But they are SO thankful. all you ever hear in interviews is how thankful they are for fans and for the oppertunity. and i mean nothing is definate. Yeah you're a band now. But until your comback is announced there may be no more band. Its fucking brutal. And they have to live in dorms with the rest of their bands. Its fucking hard. They really do WORK but they never complain. Even the older bands like SJ or SHINee who have been going for years (which is a long time there is this thing called the 5 year curse where many bands have split right after their five year anniversary) But also its just as much a girls race. Girls groups are just as important as guy groups. and anything guy groups can do girl groups can do to (see amber as an example) Sure the lyrics to their music is dumb, and they normally look like some 90's monster threw up on them the music is happpy and has good intent and very rarely is just about objectifying women. Girls are alowed to be sexy, but they are also alowed personalities, and even the guys who's jobs are to look good are valued for their oppinions as well as their chocolate abs. I dont know man... I just think kpop idols see their fame as a gift and value it a lot more than artists over here. I know the guys over here work hard too, and their labels are just as demanding. I dont even know. Kpop idols just seem to have a nicer vibe to them. Even bands who's music i dont like/ have never heard of when you see them in interviews and on shows they just seem like really nice/dorky people. And like the other day infinite are going on a break or something, maybe a member is going into the army(I have no idea, i dont know much about infinite, I dont think i've even ever listened to an infinite song... Maybe... I dont fuckin know man there are a lot of them) and on their goodbye stage many fans had signs saying "we'll wait for you" and stuff and many of the members cried saying they were very touched and so very greatful for the support of their fans. and they have been around for fucking YEARS.
and kpop interacts with the fans a lot more.
like when a band has a comeback scheduled, it gets announced, then there are like teaser pictures, then the teaser trailer, then the music video comes out (usually late *gives SM and YG evils and then points to jellyfish who show a shining example*) and they have official fanclubs which band members will post on and use and interact with fans for. And they have fan signings like, all the time, all over aisia for their fans, where they will spent time signing and spending time with as many fans as possible. God I mean VIXX in the beggining used to remember fans from one fan signing if they came to another. I dont know man. They just seem to be much more thankful and respectful of their idol status. And because of that they value and respect theit fans a lot more. even EXO who have the most crazy and batshit fans who stalk them and are just horrible people, they are still fucking thankful for their fans and their fame. WHICH IS FUCKING INSANE AND I DONT KNOW HOW THEY HAVENT KILLED A BITCH YET I MEAN A YEAR AGO THEY WERE JUST 12 BOYS AND NOW THEY HAVE PEOPLE TRYING TO SNEAK ONTO AIRPLANES JUST TO SEE THEM AEWSDRFTGYHUIJOUTRE4EFYIU
and also
I have NEVER heard anyone outside of kpop ever tell fans at a concert to be carful and respectful of other peoples space because it can be danerous and they dont want anyone to get hurt. I mean you always hear them say stuff like this and often you will see during a concert them asking fans to move back because fans are pushing to much to get to the frount. they are also always tellling their fans to eat well (which is mainly a korean custom but still) and reminding them to stay warm during winter and to be carful of the heat in summer and to look after their bodys so they dont catchh colds and to wait for them when they finish their stage for a new single/album.. and just i dont know. Something about the whole thing just makes me smile. and I like it better than our customs.
Not that im idolising korea or agree with all of it.
So please dont misunderstand
I just like some things better than what we do over here. and I also like the music produced more. And find Aisans on the whole rather attractive.. *launches self off a cliff*
Right, well i have rambled for fucking long enough
so i shalll go now
i think
night night
thanks yola
i needed this
god i dont even know
i just started crying and i cant seem to stop
i've been randomly crying a lot lately
and i keep randomly getting panic attacks
and the shakes
and they dont last long
but
litterally nothing is triggering them
yet here i am
having an anxiet attack
will full on hyperventalating (how the fuck do you even spell that fucking word?)
And crying
and I cantt seem to stop
because every time i stop
it just starts again
and i dont know why
all I was doing is reading, listening to music and eating
that is litterally my favorite thing to do
I dont know what to do
okay
i think i'm okay again
maybe
god i dont even know anymore
help me
i've run out of vixx diary's to watch and they are kind of the only thing thats been keeping me sane.
im not even sure how i fell in love with vixx so much.
I started out jjust liking hyde and thinking leo was hot
and then suddenly I know all their names can identify them by their hair or left elbow or whatever and own all of their music (okay so they dont have THAT much out since they only debuted like a year and a bit ago but still they have like four? singles and one full album which is more than exo and I dont own all that shit) and now leo is like third favorite and Hongbin is just perfect and asdfghjk how can one human be told he is goodlooking by every single person he meets and still be humble? I mean shit hes just so cute and dorky and even though hes the main visual of the band from the way he acts you'd think N or Ravi were or even Ken(lol sorry bby but you are paid to sing and be dumb and then be pretty) and he doesnt even like people seeing him as a visual so he works really hard at his dancing and singing and just flower boys *sigh*
I have just realised I like Key for pretty much exactly the same reasons and aside from Hongki they are like my main bias's. So YAY for that or something
yes. II fucking well am rambling about kpop idols, because at some point during that rant my anxiety died down compleatly. and I havent felt this calm in fucking days.
so fuck you if you have a problem with my liking kpop
its sort of the only thing I have in my life right now thats good
because i've been feeling to on edge to do any sewing for fear of ending up losing all passion for the art due to a single tiny fuck up
I dont know anymore
Im depressed out of my mind
and my anxiety is at an all time high since my stomache pain stopped again
and i get shit from everyone for the one thing that makes any of it even slightly better
not that I get much shit
since i have no fucking friends
but you get the point
You know I probably shouldn't whine like this on the interent
one day it'll come back to bite me
im sure
but its the only person i have to talk to
because i cant talk to padi
he's just as bad as i am
and well
i dont have anyone esle
im sorry
i just
i dont want to stop writing
because im scared it'll come back once i go
so can I talk to you about vixx some more? or kpop
yeah
lets talk about that
So, right, I get that a lot of people dont get why I like kpop but an not the biggest fan of apop and britpop and that sort of shit
and honestly i didn't know either for a while
but i think i've come to the bottom of it now
Riight, so with our pop music you've got the girls singing their whiny "why dont you love me?" or " you'll regret not loving me" songs while guys get the " Im such a good guy you should love me" and "tits, tits, ass and tits, lets fucking objectify some woman while im in a fucking nice car" sort of music. Right so thats cool. And yeah there are MANY exceptions to that. But not only that but a lot of artists, no matter what nice people they are the fame sort of goes to their heads and they become well, little shits (see Justin beiber and 1D and tailor swift) They dont appriciate their fans, the money or the fame, they just sort of seem to expect it and the only time you ever really hear their thankful is when they win awards. and NO im not saying this goes for all of them. And I do like some mainstream pop music and groups (non spring to mind but I know I do) Im not bashing them at all (well not intentionally) I just dont like some aspects of the way we treat celebs here and how they treat their fame in turn
Whereas Korean idols? They work for fucking YEARS and have no idea if they'll even get to debut or not. and then one day they go from trainee's to Idols. They work from dawn till well dawn the next day sometimes without sleep getting what we would consider very little money. But they are SO thankful. all you ever hear in interviews is how thankful they are for fans and for the oppertunity. and i mean nothing is definate. Yeah you're a band now. But until your comback is announced there may be no more band. Its fucking brutal. And they have to live in dorms with the rest of their bands. Its fucking hard. They really do WORK but they never complain. Even the older bands like SJ or SHINee who have been going for years (which is a long time there is this thing called the 5 year curse where many bands have split right after their five year anniversary) But also its just as much a girls race. Girls groups are just as important as guy groups. and anything guy groups can do girl groups can do to (see amber as an example) Sure the lyrics to their music is dumb, and they normally look like some 90's monster threw up on them the music is happpy and has good intent and very rarely is just about objectifying women. Girls are alowed to be sexy, but they are also alowed personalities, and even the guys who's jobs are to look good are valued for their oppinions as well as their chocolate abs. I dont know man... I just think kpop idols see their fame as a gift and value it a lot more than artists over here. I know the guys over here work hard too, and their labels are just as demanding. I dont even know. Kpop idols just seem to have a nicer vibe to them. Even bands who's music i dont like/ have never heard of when you see them in interviews and on shows they just seem like really nice/dorky people. And like the other day infinite are going on a break or something, maybe a member is going into the army(I have no idea, i dont know much about infinite, I dont think i've even ever listened to an infinite song... Maybe... I dont fuckin know man there are a lot of them) and on their goodbye stage many fans had signs saying "we'll wait for you" and stuff and many of the members cried saying they were very touched and so very greatful for the support of their fans. and they have been around for fucking YEARS.
and kpop interacts with the fans a lot more.
like when a band has a comeback scheduled, it gets announced, then there are like teaser pictures, then the teaser trailer, then the music video comes out (usually late *gives SM and YG evils and then points to jellyfish who show a shining example*) and they have official fanclubs which band members will post on and use and interact with fans for. And they have fan signings like, all the time, all over aisia for their fans, where they will spent time signing and spending time with as many fans as possible. God I mean VIXX in the beggining used to remember fans from one fan signing if they came to another. I dont know man. They just seem to be much more thankful and respectful of their idol status. And because of that they value and respect theit fans a lot more. even EXO who have the most crazy and batshit fans who stalk them and are just horrible people, they are still fucking thankful for their fans and their fame. WHICH IS FUCKING INSANE AND I DONT KNOW HOW THEY HAVENT KILLED A BITCH YET I MEAN A YEAR AGO THEY WERE JUST 12 BOYS AND NOW THEY HAVE PEOPLE TRYING TO SNEAK ONTO AIRPLANES JUST TO SEE THEM AEWSDRFTGYHUIJOUTRE4EFYIU
and also
I have NEVER heard anyone outside of kpop ever tell fans at a concert to be carful and respectful of other peoples space because it can be danerous and they dont want anyone to get hurt. I mean you always hear them say stuff like this and often you will see during a concert them asking fans to move back because fans are pushing to much to get to the frount. they are also always tellling their fans to eat well (which is mainly a korean custom but still) and reminding them to stay warm during winter and to be carful of the heat in summer and to look after their bodys so they dont catchh colds and to wait for them when they finish their stage for a new single/album.. and just i dont know. Something about the whole thing just makes me smile. and I like it better than our customs.
Not that im idolising korea or agree with all of it.
So please dont misunderstand
I just like some things better than what we do over here. and I also like the music produced more. And find Aisans on the whole rather attractive.. *launches self off a cliff*
Right, well i have rambled for fucking long enough
so i shalll go now
i think
night night
thanks yola
i needed this
