Im trying im trying im trying im trying im trying Im trying im trying (8)
Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, March 26, 2012
So hey. Theres this thing. where the guy who said he was going to love me forever and talked to me about how he wanted his dream wedding to be and who I knew better than anything else ever.... Is now hes telling some other girl that she has the most beautiful smile ever. And telling her all the things he told me.
And I dont get that. Like I get that it was going to happen. And like i dont want him back or any of that shit. I just dont see how you can stop loving someone so quickly and move on to someone else. Cause he claimed he loved me. And he said he cared. But if he cared and I meant anything why would he have lied for two months. Cause there was something going on since Christmas.
He'd changed since collage anyway. Hes not the same guy. And this guy isn't Nick. Nick was a nice guy, who wasn't an ass. And well he kinda is now. not for what he did to me (which yeah sucked balls) But just in general he isnt such a nice person anymore. And he's just changed you know? I didn't like that guy. And I didn't like his friends. And I didn't like the way he treated me. But I dealt with that cause people change. And he was happier. I just hated the drinking and him always stinking of fags.
But I was sat on fb just now and I realized. Its not the fact that he didnt care. Or that he left, or that he did it over the internet while in a different country. No. Fucking hell the thing thats getting to me most is that I can't look after him anymore, Make sure hes okay. Or going to sleep at a reasonable hour. I just want him to be okay and happy. Thats all I ever tried to do. and if me loving him wasn't enough, or I wasnt enough. then okay.
It hurts it really hurts. And I dont think im ever going to be the same or feel the same way for a long time. But I really do hope hes happy. And I hope this girls nice. Cause Nicholas Daniel Laing deserves to be happy.
Sorry I wasn't good enough.
I miss being okay.
But hey not eating is a grate way to lose weight.
and my scars are clearing. No headfuck :D bliss.
Night yola. s'been god talking.
And I dont get that. Like I get that it was going to happen. And like i dont want him back or any of that shit. I just dont see how you can stop loving someone so quickly and move on to someone else. Cause he claimed he loved me. And he said he cared. But if he cared and I meant anything why would he have lied for two months. Cause there was something going on since Christmas.
He'd changed since collage anyway. Hes not the same guy. And this guy isn't Nick. Nick was a nice guy, who wasn't an ass. And well he kinda is now. not for what he did to me (which yeah sucked balls) But just in general he isnt such a nice person anymore. And he's just changed you know? I didn't like that guy. And I didn't like his friends. And I didn't like the way he treated me. But I dealt with that cause people change. And he was happier. I just hated the drinking and him always stinking of fags.
But I was sat on fb just now and I realized. Its not the fact that he didnt care. Or that he left, or that he did it over the internet while in a different country. No. Fucking hell the thing thats getting to me most is that I can't look after him anymore, Make sure hes okay. Or going to sleep at a reasonable hour. I just want him to be okay and happy. Thats all I ever tried to do. and if me loving him wasn't enough, or I wasnt enough. then okay.
It hurts it really hurts. And I dont think im ever going to be the same or feel the same way for a long time. But I really do hope hes happy. And I hope this girls nice. Cause Nicholas Daniel Laing deserves to be happy.
Sorry I wasn't good enough.
I miss being okay.
But hey not eating is a grate way to lose weight.
and my scars are clearing. No headfuck :D bliss.
Night yola. s'been god talking.
