...

and so at 3:30 in the morning for the first time in a long while im going to say the words that I hate more than anything.

I'm so fucking alone.

god how I wish saying it made it better. made it go away

I feel empty and alone and so much like I did before. Back before all of this. When I was a stupid 12 year old who trusted people way too easy.

Im scared of so many things yola, like, what if this is it? What if I'm just alone now? what if I fuck up? what if I stop being scared, cause I stopped before and well I dont exactly have a reason to stay these days. 

Cause like I know love would actually fix very little. but it wouldn't make anything worse, and I like being in love, I like looking after someone, falling asleep with someone in my arms, I just like it. and miss it and wish i hadn't been such an asshole cause i think i might love her a little bit and I mean I havent even said sorry. I should text her, see if shes home over easter.