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Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, March 15, 2014
So,
i always used to believe that the way out was to forgive, right?
ever since I read L4A and i thought about alaska and pudge and the scars we leave behind, i figured pudge was right, the only way out of the labyrinth is to forgive.
... but mmy suffering is not brought by people but situation. and I cannot forgive a situation, or at least i do not want to. too long have i been stuck between four walls in the middle of a ten mile cirumfrence in anny directioin of sheer nothingness... and then in ten miles when you do find something .. it's nothing but one food shop, a stupidly expencive clothes shop and about a millionm (three) antique shops and a school. BOTH SIDES... and then... AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY! is the nearest actual town (and even that is small... we only got a cinema like three years ago...) and the nearest city is two hours away.... and thats all if you're counting by car.
It takes me 5 hours to walk from my mum's house (which was closer to town) to walk to the closest shop. I have no car, and no money for a car, and i cant earn money for a car because i need a car to get a job... do you see?
And im just stuck. Here. With no way of even leaving the house without a lift... because just in case you were thinking about busses... clearly you have never been to west wales... where a few years ago the stopped nearly ALL the bus services...and even then there werent many... but no... I'd have to book a bwcabus and they are fuckin expencive and require at least 2 other people to also wish to go on your jounry with you.
So yes
I have four walls and wifi.
And i hate it
Not to mention how much i hate my dad (for reasons i have ranted about many times before)
And i just dont know what to do yola?
Cause like my brother is being shit again about this leaving thing
Just like he was with moving to carms
I dont think its going to happen
Im really trying yola
But like im kind of sucking
And i dont have anyone i could even try to talk to about this shit
Because no one fucking gives a shit about me
But still
Im not aloud to kill myself
I think i might cut
Im tired of having constant anxiety attacks
Or always being on the edge of one
I just want
I dont know they dont even have to care
I'd just like someone to tell...
You know?
Anyway
Night yola
Oh. One last thing actually... if anyone does actually still read this thing... and is interested a korean inde band called 10cm have some really great songs, and they help with mmy anxiety a lot... they alsoo have some really catchy songs... so check them out too.
i always used to believe that the way out was to forgive, right?
ever since I read L4A and i thought about alaska and pudge and the scars we leave behind, i figured pudge was right, the only way out of the labyrinth is to forgive.
... but mmy suffering is not brought by people but situation. and I cannot forgive a situation, or at least i do not want to. too long have i been stuck between four walls in the middle of a ten mile cirumfrence in anny directioin of sheer nothingness... and then in ten miles when you do find something .. it's nothing but one food shop, a stupidly expencive clothes shop and about a millionm (three) antique shops and a school. BOTH SIDES... and then... AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY! is the nearest actual town (and even that is small... we only got a cinema like three years ago...) and the nearest city is two hours away.... and thats all if you're counting by car.
It takes me 5 hours to walk from my mum's house (which was closer to town) to walk to the closest shop. I have no car, and no money for a car, and i cant earn money for a car because i need a car to get a job... do you see?
And im just stuck. Here. With no way of even leaving the house without a lift... because just in case you were thinking about busses... clearly you have never been to west wales... where a few years ago the stopped nearly ALL the bus services...and even then there werent many... but no... I'd have to book a bwcabus and they are fuckin expencive and require at least 2 other people to also wish to go on your jounry with you.
So yes
I have four walls and wifi.
And i hate it
Not to mention how much i hate my dad (for reasons i have ranted about many times before)
And i just dont know what to do yola?
Cause like my brother is being shit again about this leaving thing
Just like he was with moving to carms
I dont think its going to happen
Im really trying yola
But like im kind of sucking
And i dont have anyone i could even try to talk to about this shit
Because no one fucking gives a shit about me
But still
Im not aloud to kill myself
I think i might cut
Im tired of having constant anxiety attacks
Or always being on the edge of one
I just want
I dont know they dont even have to care
I'd just like someone to tell...
You know?
Anyway
Night yola
Oh. One last thing actually... if anyone does actually still read this thing... and is interested a korean inde band called 10cm have some really great songs, and they help with mmy anxiety a lot... they alsoo have some really catchy songs... so check them out too.
