I need to talk
Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, March 18, 2013
But I have no idea what I need to talk about.... God im so un-okay.
You know
I often wonder what people think I mean when I say I have constant anxiety.
I wonder if they think im being dramatic. That I dont have anxiety at all. that I just say it for attention.
I wonder if they think, that okay, maybe I get anxious sometimes under high stress but "all the time" is just being dramatic.
I wonder if they think it means that I feel anxious in large crowds and when im made to speak in front of people.
I wonder if they think it means that I get scared when I go out, or when I meet new people, or when someone says "They need to talk" or whenever I have to eat in a public place or walk by myself
But most of all I wonder if people understand I feel it all the time.
When I wake up, when I breath in, when I'm sat in my room relatively happy, when im out on my own, when im out with friends, when im in college, when im alone, when I meet new people, while im eating, while eating in front of people, when im talking in front of people, when im just talking to people,
Its always there, my heart is always racing, my stomach is always full of the most angry butterfly's, its always hard to breath. im always shaking and im always scared.
I dont know why, and I dont know why its sometimes worse than normal. and I dont know how I keep it under control while im out. I just do. it just is.
BUT DONT TELL ME ITS JUST IN MY HEAD CAUSE THATS KIND OF THE POINT
I know its not real, I know its in my head, but making me feel like an asshole for something I already hate myself for isnt going to help. so thankyou and kindly shut the fuck up.
fuck
god
my heart
is pounding
can
this
stop
now?
PLease?
its hard to make yourself think rationally when everything is screaming RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN AWAY RUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUN HIDE HIDE RUN ANYTHING JUST GET AWAY HELP STOP NO RUN FUCK GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE RUN HIDE DIE FUCK JUST DIE WE MAY AS WELL DIE THERES NOTHING LEFT WHY DIDNT YOU RUN? RUN PLEASE GOD SAVE ME WHY DIDN'T WE RUN OH GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE FUCK GOD HIDE PLEASE HIDE KILL ME THE STRAIN IS TOO MUCH THERE'S NO POINT WE MIGHT AS WELL DIE FUCK RUN HIDE DIE RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
over and over and over
all the time
god anxiety fucking SUCKS
You know
I often wonder what people think I mean when I say I have constant anxiety.
I wonder if they think im being dramatic. That I dont have anxiety at all. that I just say it for attention.
I wonder if they think, that okay, maybe I get anxious sometimes under high stress but "all the time" is just being dramatic.
I wonder if they think it means that I feel anxious in large crowds and when im made to speak in front of people.
I wonder if they think it means that I get scared when I go out, or when I meet new people, or when someone says "They need to talk" or whenever I have to eat in a public place or walk by myself
But most of all I wonder if people understand I feel it all the time.
When I wake up, when I breath in, when I'm sat in my room relatively happy, when im out on my own, when im out with friends, when im in college, when im alone, when I meet new people, while im eating, while eating in front of people, when im talking in front of people, when im just talking to people,
Its always there, my heart is always racing, my stomach is always full of the most angry butterfly's, its always hard to breath. im always shaking and im always scared.
I dont know why, and I dont know why its sometimes worse than normal. and I dont know how I keep it under control while im out. I just do. it just is.
BUT DONT TELL ME ITS JUST IN MY HEAD CAUSE THATS KIND OF THE POINT
I know its not real, I know its in my head, but making me feel like an asshole for something I already hate myself for isnt going to help. so thankyou and kindly shut the fuck up.
fuck
god
my heart
is pounding
can
this
stop
now?
PLease?
its hard to make yourself think rationally when everything is screaming RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN AWAY RUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUN HIDE HIDE RUN ANYTHING JUST GET AWAY HELP STOP NO RUN FUCK GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE RUN HIDE DIE FUCK JUST DIE WE MAY AS WELL DIE THERES NOTHING LEFT WHY DIDNT YOU RUN? RUN PLEASE GOD SAVE ME WHY DIDN'T WE RUN OH GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE FUCK GOD HIDE PLEASE HIDE KILL ME THE STRAIN IS TOO MUCH THERE'S NO POINT WE MIGHT AS WELL DIE FUCK RUN HIDE DIE RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN
over and over and over
all the time
god anxiety fucking SUCKS
