Its strange
But I dont even seem to notice how pissed off i am
or how sad i am
or both
untill im forced to leave my room
or if people come into my room
and cause I wasn't expecting it
and usually the only person whos around is padi
I am a massive dick to him
and then he goes all quiet and i get even more pissed off with him
I just feel like yelling "STOP JUDGING ME MOTHERFUCKER AND BE A FUCKING MAN FOR ONCE, OR BETTER YET BE MY BROTHER AND GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW FUCKING UNHAPPY I AM!"
and he also didnt like my letting hi know how much i hate father
and that i view his leaving as him being able to escape. while im still stuck in this hell hole
What i dont understand though is, that if my brother didnt want to hear this shit
why is he such a cunt to the point where I want to cry
so i yell these things at him to get him to go the fuck away
im so tired of him
yet know how fucking shite things are going to be when he leaves next month.