...

Hey yola. I feel like I should be telling webs this. But that requires using google and remembering my unser name/password so you're going to have to live with the whiny.
Im so lost yola
Like
I hurt
But I also dont feel anything
And im so effing confused and scared about so many fucking things
But I also dont care
Or wish I didnt care
And I have moments where I think that things are gonna be alright
and then i spend hours panicking that thy never will be because im too fucking fucked up
And Im depressed
But its like
weird
cause
i can feel
I feel too much
and
im angry all the time
and my god I wish my brother would learn that my depression is EXACTLY the same as his and so he shouldn't even look at me and never, try to even give me a hug. Touching in any form while Im depressed will result in me hating you forever.
God he has perfect timing... at least hes now going out.
I hate this
I hate having no one
cause as much as i've always whined about being alone. thats always been more of a feeling alone. but now I really sorta am.
fuck I had to push Jake away didn't I?!
fucking hell bronwen
he was a shite boyfriend always has been. but hes an amazing friend... I can talk to him for hours and I really miss him.
I hate this. i have no idea what to do.
I wish I could just go back to being numb.
Cause this is fucked up
I want to die, but also dont
what the fuck do I do with that?
I want to cut
But then remember I spend most of my life looking at my shoulder wrist and left leg thinking "why the fuck am I suck a stupid cunt?!" But that may mostly be because thats written on my leg... but ya know whatever the fuck.
Its just im used to being depressed
And im used to having all the feels
and Im used to being alone
And im used to having no one to talk to
But im defiantly used to knowing that im going to miss mum,
And my hopeless feeling of being alone and unloved forever. And thanks to recent mind fuckary thats even more set in stone... Hooray... *You know you're going to have to say it out loud eventually.. right?* Yes Im well aware. but if im going to i'd like to be in the presence of someone, and not rambling to a fucking laptop!
 *i suppose*
god kill me now
fucing hell
I just
i just dont want to care anymore

okay so i'll shutup now. I'd appologize for whining but im hoping no one reads here anymore. I mean why the fuck would you?
but whatever
i gonna go find a bus to throw myself under or something.
Whatever.
fucking
bye
or something
fuck