i get real tired of other peoples bullshit
Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, August 26, 2014
you see
people dont really regard anxiety as an anything
they dont not acknowledge it
but they also dont acknowledge it
its like they nothing it
because when you tell someone you have anxiety you will get one of two responses
number one goes a little bit like
"Oh, have you tried this really simple and obvious thing that totally doesn't work but I was worried about a test once so I totally understand and have been through the same"
And number two is a bit simpler
"Oh."
and thats it
honestly
im starting to like two more and more
because its hard to not get pissed off when in one corner you have people telling you to "just not be depressed"
and in the other corner you have people telling you breathe deeply and count to fucking ten.
like either of those things work
the worst people though
are the people who try to tell me its all in my head
as if i didnt already know that
but somehow knowing i am infact crazy and cannot distinguish real life from hormones racing through my system does not stop the overwhealming fear i feel
or stop my hands from shaking so excessively i cannot hold things
It does not stop my head from swimming or my chest from aching it does not stop the impending feeling of doom it does not get rid of the aching in my gut
all it does it give me more reasons to be convinced i am a freak.
i would love to walk down a street and not be convinced every single people i walk by is judging and hating me
i would love to meet new people and not be instantly convinced they dislike me and will never want to meet me again
i would LOVE fucking LOVE to not doubt every single human relationship i engage in.
I would love to wake up and not feel like I am the butt of some practical joke everyone else knows about
I would love to be able to go new places without a VERY VERY concrete idea of where im going how i will get there and where i will go from there
I would love to be able to wake up and not feel it
to not have those days where i wake up and just KNOW that im not going to be able to be strong enough today
I would love to not have to hate myself for days because of that
I would love to be able to look in mirrors or accept a compliment or think I look nice today without overwhelming guilt and shame washing over me because look at me i am discusting
I would love to not have to have an anti anxiety playlist on every device i own because sometimes i can over come panic attacks on my own
I would love to not have to have various breathing techniques memorized even though i know that there is a point of no return where no amount of breathing in the world will stop it all from crumbling around me
I would love to not have days where I forget the sound of my voice because i have hidden myself from the world in an attempt to hide from my demons. It a shame they are always hiding with me
I would love if I could make a phone call without having to check double check tripple check that the number is right
I would love to be able to make a phone call without writing practicing and memorizing my script
I would love to not know that im just going to chicken out anyway
I would love to be able to sit in my home without suddenly having to stop and calm down because something who knows what is wrong.
But yeah
its all in my head
and some deep breathing will fix everything
people dont really regard anxiety as an anything
they dont not acknowledge it
but they also dont acknowledge it
its like they nothing it
because when you tell someone you have anxiety you will get one of two responses
number one goes a little bit like
"Oh, have you tried this really simple and obvious thing that totally doesn't work but I was worried about a test once so I totally understand and have been through the same"
And number two is a bit simpler
"Oh."
and thats it
honestly
im starting to like two more and more
because its hard to not get pissed off when in one corner you have people telling you to "just not be depressed"
and in the other corner you have people telling you breathe deeply and count to fucking ten.
like either of those things work
the worst people though
are the people who try to tell me its all in my head
as if i didnt already know that
but somehow knowing i am infact crazy and cannot distinguish real life from hormones racing through my system does not stop the overwhealming fear i feel
or stop my hands from shaking so excessively i cannot hold things
It does not stop my head from swimming or my chest from aching it does not stop the impending feeling of doom it does not get rid of the aching in my gut
all it does it give me more reasons to be convinced i am a freak.
i would love to walk down a street and not be convinced every single people i walk by is judging and hating me
i would love to meet new people and not be instantly convinced they dislike me and will never want to meet me again
i would LOVE fucking LOVE to not doubt every single human relationship i engage in.
I would love to wake up and not feel like I am the butt of some practical joke everyone else knows about
I would love to be able to go new places without a VERY VERY concrete idea of where im going how i will get there and where i will go from there
I would love to be able to wake up and not feel it
to not have those days where i wake up and just KNOW that im not going to be able to be strong enough today
I would love to not have to hate myself for days because of that
I would love to be able to look in mirrors or accept a compliment or think I look nice today without overwhelming guilt and shame washing over me because look at me i am discusting
I would love to not have to have an anti anxiety playlist on every device i own because sometimes i can over come panic attacks on my own
I would love to not have to have various breathing techniques memorized even though i know that there is a point of no return where no amount of breathing in the world will stop it all from crumbling around me
I would love to not have days where I forget the sound of my voice because i have hidden myself from the world in an attempt to hide from my demons. It a shame they are always hiding with me
I would love if I could make a phone call without having to check double check tripple check that the number is right
I would love to be able to make a phone call without writing practicing and memorizing my script
I would love to not know that im just going to chicken out anyway
I would love to be able to sit in my home without suddenly having to stop and calm down because something who knows what is wrong.
But yeah
its all in my head
and some deep breathing will fix everything
