...

my boots like lead below my feet my hair a shade of pink i didnt even know a head could be

It shines in light and glows without aid, short and styled and straightened and burned

My hair falls to pices just like my head.

This girl, big chested short and fat. I know her aswell as I know myself

but thats wrong

because she is me

So I stare at her in the mirror

i look at the slanty eyes, crooked mouth, wide hips, big chest, fat stomach, double chin, bright hair

And I ask

Well if you are I, and I am you, who is he?

As there is another who sits behind my eyes, watching as I slowly fall away

And I alow mysself this moment to forget about the world

To say no

To say yes

Too say hello

To me

I call him sam

My other me

he sits where I cant see, to scared from years of being beaten back to come forward, but I know hes there

I smile as I flatten my chest and mess up my hair, don my boxers and push the makeup I never wear anyway asside
I am me

Or at least a me i can never be

So I stare into the mirror at the androgynous person who stares back at me and I feel good

and I smile, aand then cry as I remember

They'll never call me sam

And I'll never let them

They wont even know

So I sit over compensating, girly haircut, girly shoes

But I cant hide from you much loonger

its making me ill

Please sam

oh please

let me be

I know im not a girl

But am I a guy?

Androgynous ?

Or am I girl who i so confused and tired of being a girl and treated like a fool she created a pain in her stomach that ruined her young life and still brings her pain because its a reminder of how unhappy shes been

either way

I dont like mirrors