ha
Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, July 26, 2013
ha hey yola
so last night i did something dumb
well
yeah
but no
well i dont know
its pretty fucking awful
but also fine
but my god, im just so dumb
why the hell would i tell her?
whatwas i thinking????
but yeah i sort of told marylin about my being bi-gender
not that she got it
cause i also told her about being pansexual and she seemed to spend more time thinking that was my problem when i dont give a single fuck what people think about that
but being trans or bi-gender is unusual and people have bad reactions to it and since im young i've alreadyheard enough 'its just a phase' comments
but even if it is a fucking fase its stil important and its still how i feel right now
but if i change my mind im so scared people will just think i was attention seaking or something and i just dont know
cause like, last summer i thought i could be full on trans now im starting to think im more gener-fluid cause like sometimes i want to by bryony and wear girly things and just be a girl... but other days i want to have a flat chest more than anything in the whole worl and i wish to be called sam and a he and for people to not see me as a girl.
but what if it changes again?
and i dont know
i just feel so dumb for telling her
cause although shes been fine
i know shes TRYING to make it seem like nothing has chaged
abd im not sure if thats because something has changed or if its because shes trying to reasure me but either way its weird and i hate it
and it broke all the rulex
cause rule number one is dont let them see the damage
andwhatever damage they can see doesnt even scratch the surface
and she wants me to tell other people
like cat n craig and just oh good god no
like
just no
and its not because i dont trust them or think they
'll react badlly to it
its's just scary and i dont want to cause im not ready yet and dont like drawing attention to myself
and coming out is exactly the definition of drawing attention to yourself
and i dont know
i hate this
why cant i just be bryony
nice, girly, happy bryony
thatwould be so simple
fuck why did i tell her????
god im so dumb
fucking hell
this has just made everything more complicated
fucking hell
the only people i'd told had either forgotten or dont tak to me anymore
it was all fine
stupid
stupid
stupid
ugh
and i have to deal with a massive family gathering tomorrow
kill me
and i have really bad sunburn
so if i get skin cancer now then that would be just my luck that im part of the % that gets it from only being badly burnt once in theit life.
i dont want to have to deal with family
the last time i had to deal with a massive family gathering was when mum was ill
and that was dismal
i reaaaaallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyý dont want that
god im such a wreck
maybe i could just take too many diazapam and zone out for tommorrow?
or would that cause concern?
ugh
all i wanted was to see Elana because she is perfect
and seeing her with cat makes me happy
but also sad
because cat and mother are very similar
i wish i looked like them
i wish i was pretty
but i guess its my job to be the fucked up weird one of the family
every family has one as they say
fuck
i just
i want to go home
oh yeah
and i think i've become bad at human interaction
which is worrying
though it may be because i sort of half adore and hakf cant stand my family
well no
i love love love love love cat and craig
they are wonderful and their baby is perfect and ugh i just love them
its the rest aside from pastsy pie that annoy the living fuck out of me
and i dont really know what to do
fuck it
im going to go now
i should probably go be sociable
but
cba
fucking hell
fuck
right
yeah
bye yola.
xxx ♥♡♥☆★☆●○■□◆◇◆º•º▪¤
》♥《》♡《》♥《♡》♥《
ㅅㅏ랑해요ㅋㅋㅋ
so last night i did something dumb
well
yeah
but no
well i dont know
its pretty fucking awful
but also fine
but my god, im just so dumb
why the hell would i tell her?
whatwas i thinking????
but yeah i sort of told marylin about my being bi-gender
not that she got it
cause i also told her about being pansexual and she seemed to spend more time thinking that was my problem when i dont give a single fuck what people think about that
but being trans or bi-gender is unusual and people have bad reactions to it and since im young i've alreadyheard enough 'its just a phase' comments
but even if it is a fucking fase its stil important and its still how i feel right now
but if i change my mind im so scared people will just think i was attention seaking or something and i just dont know
cause like, last summer i thought i could be full on trans now im starting to think im more gener-fluid cause like sometimes i want to by bryony and wear girly things and just be a girl... but other days i want to have a flat chest more than anything in the whole worl and i wish to be called sam and a he and for people to not see me as a girl.
but what if it changes again?
and i dont know
i just feel so dumb for telling her
cause although shes been fine
i know shes TRYING to make it seem like nothing has chaged
abd im not sure if thats because something has changed or if its because shes trying to reasure me but either way its weird and i hate it
and it broke all the rulex
cause rule number one is dont let them see the damage
andwhatever damage they can see doesnt even scratch the surface
and she wants me to tell other people
like cat n craig and just oh good god no
like
just no
and its not because i dont trust them or think they
'll react badlly to it
its's just scary and i dont want to cause im not ready yet and dont like drawing attention to myself
and coming out is exactly the definition of drawing attention to yourself
and i dont know
i hate this
why cant i just be bryony
nice, girly, happy bryony
thatwould be so simple
fuck why did i tell her????
god im so dumb
fucking hell
this has just made everything more complicated
fucking hell
the only people i'd told had either forgotten or dont tak to me anymore
it was all fine
stupid
stupid
stupid
ugh
and i have to deal with a massive family gathering tomorrow
kill me
and i have really bad sunburn
so if i get skin cancer now then that would be just my luck that im part of the % that gets it from only being badly burnt once in theit life.
i dont want to have to deal with family
the last time i had to deal with a massive family gathering was when mum was ill
and that was dismal
i reaaaaallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyý dont want that
god im such a wreck
maybe i could just take too many diazapam and zone out for tommorrow?
or would that cause concern?
ugh
all i wanted was to see Elana because she is perfect
and seeing her with cat makes me happy
but also sad
because cat and mother are very similar
i wish i looked like them
i wish i was pretty
but i guess its my job to be the fucked up weird one of the family
every family has one as they say
fuck
i just
i want to go home
oh yeah
and i think i've become bad at human interaction
which is worrying
though it may be because i sort of half adore and hakf cant stand my family
well no
i love love love love love cat and craig
they are wonderful and their baby is perfect and ugh i just love them
its the rest aside from pastsy pie that annoy the living fuck out of me
and i dont really know what to do
fuck it
im going to go now
i should probably go be sociable
but
cba
fucking hell
fuck
right
yeah
bye yola.
xxx ♥♡♥☆★☆●○■□◆◇◆º•º▪¤
》♥《》♡《》♥《♡》♥《
ㅅㅏ랑해요ㅋㅋㅋ
