gyah
Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, February 21, 2015
I think I accidentally swapped chewing my nails for talking to my friends
because now i have fucking great nails that are long and smooth and healthy
but i have not spoken to my friends properly for weeks.
its not even like i miss it
i have no desire to speak to them
not because i dont like them
just because
i dont know
i just
dont
like i like them
and want to be their friend
which is why i am constantly hounded by thoughts of
"i should be online"
but im not
and i know its not fair of me
i am a shitty friend
I keep on meeting people during good periods
and then i get worse again
and im left feeling guilty
and i have barely spoken to gina
and it breaks my heart
because i really liked her
i really care about her
but i dont know what to do
she wont speak to me
she cried and made me feel like shit for being upset with her
and then hasnt fucking spoken to me
and it occurred to me
that probably the reason i have stopped going online
is because i have stopped trying with gina
she was the only reason i kept going online
i fucking hate skype
i hate skype calls
i hate sitting around doing fucking nothing
not even really talking
and not being able to do anything else like everyone else in the call because i have a shitty expensive mic that picks up fucking everything and makes it 4000000000)% too loud
I hate it
but i would go online to speak to her
i would try
even though they make me feel sick a lot of the times
and i would much rather not
and now
since she doesn't speak to me
there doesn't seem to be much point
and here I am
not online
for maybe the 9th day in a row
I miss my friends
and would gladly talk to them via text
or even a short skype call
but this whole deal where you're jusr expected to stay for the rest of the day
is maddening
like
no
i dont want to spend 5 hours doing nothing
i could spend that time doing other things that dont make me feel sick
yes
it is selfish
yes
i do suck
i am a pretty shitty friend
and i feel awful about it pretty much every second of the day
sammie out night yola xxx
because now i have fucking great nails that are long and smooth and healthy
but i have not spoken to my friends properly for weeks.
its not even like i miss it
i have no desire to speak to them
not because i dont like them
just because
i dont know
i just
dont
like i like them
and want to be their friend
which is why i am constantly hounded by thoughts of
"i should be online"
but im not
and i know its not fair of me
i am a shitty friend
I keep on meeting people during good periods
and then i get worse again
and im left feeling guilty
and i have barely spoken to gina
and it breaks my heart
because i really liked her
i really care about her
but i dont know what to do
she wont speak to me
she cried and made me feel like shit for being upset with her
and then hasnt fucking spoken to me
and it occurred to me
that probably the reason i have stopped going online
is because i have stopped trying with gina
she was the only reason i kept going online
i fucking hate skype
i hate skype calls
i hate sitting around doing fucking nothing
not even really talking
and not being able to do anything else like everyone else in the call because i have a shitty expensive mic that picks up fucking everything and makes it 4000000000)% too loud
I hate it
but i would go online to speak to her
i would try
even though they make me feel sick a lot of the times
and i would much rather not
and now
since she doesn't speak to me
there doesn't seem to be much point
and here I am
not online
for maybe the 9th day in a row
I miss my friends
and would gladly talk to them via text
or even a short skype call
but this whole deal where you're jusr expected to stay for the rest of the day
is maddening
like
no
i dont want to spend 5 hours doing nothing
i could spend that time doing other things that dont make me feel sick
yes
it is selfish
yes
i do suck
i am a pretty shitty friend
and i feel awful about it pretty much every second of the day
sammie out night yola xxx
