fuck i just realised that i think im too late. im pretty sure she already is going off me.
Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, December 5, 2014
dear you
so i've been thinking a lot about death
mainly my own
and the fact that i hope it will be soon
i understand you dont know
and i understand its hypocritical to feel sad when in reality all you're doing is what i do to you
im not fair
i know
i go days without talking
but then
so do you
sometimes i think we're as bad as eachother
other days i remind myself i am no doubt worse
so i know i have no right to feel hurt
and im not even mad at you
im mad at me
mad that i think i even need to reach out
or the fact that i probably actually should
because good god its not normal to want to die this much
but hey
here we are
me wanting to die
and you
not in contact
i mean
i could send another message
but im scared you will think me pathetic
or worse
maybe you should go to the boy
or maybe just really anyone who is not me
maybe you only stay with me out of pity
i mean
who would want to be with someone so crazy
no one else did
and im so scared i'll fuck this up and that you too will leave me
because of course it would never be your fault if you did
who could blame you
you'd be doing the right thing
so if you ever do want to leave
i probably wont try to stop you
not because i dont love you
or need you
but because its not fair to hold on to you
im a bad person
screwed up person
going nowhere waste person
i guess im just sorry there are days where im so sad that talking sounds harder than flying
and that there are things i just am too scared to talk about
such as everything
im sorry
you deserve better than me
i guess thats why i feel so damn angry
never at you
of course not you
just at me
always at me
im so fucking fucked up
whats the use
fucking fuck
goodnight yola
so i've been thinking a lot about death
mainly my own
and the fact that i hope it will be soon
i understand you dont know
and i understand its hypocritical to feel sad when in reality all you're doing is what i do to you
im not fair
i know
i go days without talking
but then
so do you
sometimes i think we're as bad as eachother
other days i remind myself i am no doubt worse
so i know i have no right to feel hurt
and im not even mad at you
im mad at me
mad that i think i even need to reach out
or the fact that i probably actually should
because good god its not normal to want to die this much
but hey
here we are
me wanting to die
and you
not in contact
i mean
i could send another message
but im scared you will think me pathetic
or worse
maybe you should go to the boy
or maybe just really anyone who is not me
maybe you only stay with me out of pity
i mean
who would want to be with someone so crazy
no one else did
and im so scared i'll fuck this up and that you too will leave me
because of course it would never be your fault if you did
who could blame you
you'd be doing the right thing
so if you ever do want to leave
i probably wont try to stop you
not because i dont love you
or need you
but because its not fair to hold on to you
im a bad person
screwed up person
going nowhere waste person
i guess im just sorry there are days where im so sad that talking sounds harder than flying
and that there are things i just am too scared to talk about
such as everything
im sorry
you deserve better than me
i guess thats why i feel so damn angry
never at you
of course not you
just at me
always at me
im so fucking fucked up
whats the use
fucking fuck
goodnight yola
