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Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, September 17, 2014
I once had my best friend tell me she did not care about my 'emotional baggage'
i was talking to her about my mother, who was dieing, and the fact that i was scared.
I didn't talk to her about it after that. or any of my friends.
I once had my BEST like bff been through everything together explain to me that the reason I hardly saw her for a year aside from when she had, once again fallen out with her on again off again on again off again on again off again boyfriend and all of his friends was because 'my mothers death made her too sad'
I was alone without my best friend during the hardest part of my life but she had the audacity to be annoyed at me when I moved on and found support in other places. As if I was just supposed to be pleased she only ever wanted me when she'd been dumped again and needed comforting.
We dont talk anymore. I miss her a lot.
I'm scared to get close to anyone.
I had the love of my life leave me for someone else. He had never really loved me and most of our relationship was a lie. I knew more about him than I ever thought it possible to know about someone else. I told him everything. In hind sight he probably thought I was whiny. He left me for a girl with so many stuggles, their relationship seemed like hell on earth yet he still loved her, still cried on a bus on my shoulder over her so logically I must have been worse. worse than all of her problems and her devil family. How bad could I have been? How much shit did he talk behind my back? What an awful monster did his friends think me?
I told him everything. When he left I forgot how to breathe, life crashed into me harder than I believed possible. My last friend, my last support gone. Left me for someone better.
I haven't opened up to anyone since. occasionally in those two years my friend J has been good to me. We have a lot of history.
But even when the world is crashing down around me I do not know how to reach out. who to reach out to. or why anyone would listen.
I've learned that no one likes to listen to you moan, and no one cares about your woes, and if you let yourself think for even a minute that anyone actually wants to listen to you whine, you're so pitifully wrong.
Dont tell them. They just leave quicker that way. It scares them off. Im too broken. No one cares to be friends with a broken girl.
if you're wondering why im writing this
its because recently i've been craving someone to talk to someone who cares to listen
of course there is no such person
not through any fault of their own
im just a whiny bitch
but I was wondering why I find it so hard to talk to people about stuff
and then it occurred to me
that there were three friendships that all ended in flames and heartache that gave me trust issues like nobodies business
the bits up there left out a lot... sort of only covered the bare minimum
they also left out a lot of other friendships and factors that have shaped me into this worthless piece of shit i am
but yeah
Im just a whiny little bitch so dont mind me
i just felt like writing
so you know
lalalalala
i was talking to her about my mother, who was dieing, and the fact that i was scared.
I didn't talk to her about it after that. or any of my friends.
I once had my BEST like bff been through everything together explain to me that the reason I hardly saw her for a year aside from when she had, once again fallen out with her on again off again on again off again on again off again boyfriend and all of his friends was because 'my mothers death made her too sad'
I was alone without my best friend during the hardest part of my life but she had the audacity to be annoyed at me when I moved on and found support in other places. As if I was just supposed to be pleased she only ever wanted me when she'd been dumped again and needed comforting.
We dont talk anymore. I miss her a lot.
I'm scared to get close to anyone.
I had the love of my life leave me for someone else. He had never really loved me and most of our relationship was a lie. I knew more about him than I ever thought it possible to know about someone else. I told him everything. In hind sight he probably thought I was whiny. He left me for a girl with so many stuggles, their relationship seemed like hell on earth yet he still loved her, still cried on a bus on my shoulder over her so logically I must have been worse. worse than all of her problems and her devil family. How bad could I have been? How much shit did he talk behind my back? What an awful monster did his friends think me?
I told him everything. When he left I forgot how to breathe, life crashed into me harder than I believed possible. My last friend, my last support gone. Left me for someone better.
I haven't opened up to anyone since. occasionally in those two years my friend J has been good to me. We have a lot of history.
But even when the world is crashing down around me I do not know how to reach out. who to reach out to. or why anyone would listen.
I've learned that no one likes to listen to you moan, and no one cares about your woes, and if you let yourself think for even a minute that anyone actually wants to listen to you whine, you're so pitifully wrong.
Dont tell them. They just leave quicker that way. It scares them off. Im too broken. No one cares to be friends with a broken girl.
if you're wondering why im writing this
its because recently i've been craving someone to talk to someone who cares to listen
of course there is no such person
not through any fault of their own
im just a whiny bitch
but I was wondering why I find it so hard to talk to people about stuff
and then it occurred to me
that there were three friendships that all ended in flames and heartache that gave me trust issues like nobodies business
the bits up there left out a lot... sort of only covered the bare minimum
they also left out a lot of other friendships and factors that have shaped me into this worthless piece of shit i am
but yeah
Im just a whiny little bitch so dont mind me
i just felt like writing
so you know
lalalalala
