Ehehe OMG so deep :3 or... Cool story bro needs more dragons and shit :3
Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, May 21, 2012
*** Right so I just wrote this... and even to start with I didnt have anything planned for this so its just me babbling... Im not upset or anything... its just me mumbling about John Green, forgiving people and le family... Its nothing important. It was more to kill time than anything else :3 no really.... Its random "OMG SO DEEP" shit... I have my emo girl at three am brain on... so its all "deep" and shit ahaha :3 seriously you have been fair warned now... if you read it and come away going "fuck me that was boring, annoying and pointless" I did warn you... a fair bit. Turn back!!! Dont read on ahaha x ****
Hey yola. So I was going through tumblr as you do... and one of "the wonderful words of john greens" Posts had one of my favorite parts from TFIOS come up.. and considering how much of what im feeling atm can be summed up by a john green quote... I thought this one is gold
Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.
Though I have a different technique too... I have perfected the art of looking totally normal while crying. Its fooled so many people. People who claim to know me best of all, or the longest, or even just people who say they can just notice these things...
And no this isn't some poor me post... or a "look how hard i've had it" Cause I haven't. And Im not even sad at the moment. Im just writing cause im not sure what else to do. And this is a thing I noticed. well one, that I (sometimes) Can be very good at hiding how I feel. And two, That John Green books if you smushed them all together (although I havent read WG WG yet....) Pretty much sum up my life... And I live (in my head) by the quotes.
S'not a bad thing in my mind. Hell it gave me words to put to my age old rule of always forgiving people(apart from ses I hope she dies in Lava Slowly painfully and horrifically) And I think
"The only way out of the Labyrinth is to forgive"
I think its a decent motto for life. and there was a TWLOHA blog...it was this girl talking about her life... and how all the women in her family were bitter and grumpy and mostly alone... and how she feared that fate... and tried to prevent it. And I could relate to that... So she goes on and says stuff about most of her families bitterness and alcoholism was from holding grudges and never forgiving and letting things go. So she vowed to make a change. To break the chain... And I look at my family and the same could be said of them... though I think theirs is a never ending cycle to be fair... the drink makes them bitter and the being bitter makes them drink...but whatever... I swear to god I will not end up like them. So if forgiving people will help prevent it. then bring it the fuck on!
... My dad didn't get it... my hole "forgiving" people thing. When he was drunk the other night we talked about it some and he told me I was stupid,living in a fantasy world and I should start facing reality where things like that dont work and that im just a foolish child.
And padi thinks im stupid and doesn't understand how I can care about people the way I do. He tells me I should just be mean and to just not care. Thats like telling me to just rip out my lungs or just punch a hole through that solid 12 feet thick brick wall. And trust me either of those would probably hurt less than the guilt...
So yeah... Uhm im not really sure how we got onto this topic or how to end it... I might something up the top to like say about how you dont really need to read this it was more just something to kill time with than anything of worth :3
Yeah I'll do that
Ahah
sorry for rambling... and I'll be back soon with some of my usual whiny shit im sure xD
Nighty night yola, Its strange having people read you again :3
Byess *waves* :3
Hey yola. So I was going through tumblr as you do... and one of "the wonderful words of john greens" Posts had one of my favorite parts from TFIOS come up.. and considering how much of what im feeling atm can be summed up by a john green quote... I thought this one is gold
Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.
Though I have a different technique too... I have perfected the art of looking totally normal while crying. Its fooled so many people. People who claim to know me best of all, or the longest, or even just people who say they can just notice these things...
And no this isn't some poor me post... or a "look how hard i've had it" Cause I haven't. And Im not even sad at the moment. Im just writing cause im not sure what else to do. And this is a thing I noticed. well one, that I (sometimes) Can be very good at hiding how I feel. And two, That John Green books if you smushed them all together (although I havent read WG WG yet....) Pretty much sum up my life... And I live (in my head) by the quotes.
S'not a bad thing in my mind. Hell it gave me words to put to my age old rule of always forgiving people(apart from ses I hope she dies in Lava Slowly painfully and horrifically) And I think
"The only way out of the Labyrinth is to forgive"
~ ~ ~ ~
... My dad didn't get it... my hole "forgiving" people thing. When he was drunk the other night we talked about it some and he told me I was stupid,living in a fantasy world and I should start facing reality where things like that dont work and that im just a foolish child.
And padi thinks im stupid and doesn't understand how I can care about people the way I do. He tells me I should just be mean and to just not care. Thats like telling me to just rip out my lungs or just punch a hole through that solid 12 feet thick brick wall. And trust me either of those would probably hurt less than the guilt...
So yeah... Uhm im not really sure how we got onto this topic or how to end it... I might something up the top to like say about how you dont really need to read this it was more just something to kill time with than anything of worth :3
Yeah I'll do that
Ahah
sorry for rambling... and I'll be back soon with some of my usual whiny shit im sure xD
Nighty night yola, Its strange having people read you again :3
Byess *waves* :3
