...

so a kid from my old town died.
well
killed himself
and
it'd weird
you know?
because i hadn't thought of this kid in years
i went to primary school with him
he was the year above
we lived close
his school busstop was the same as mine
sometimes if i got there early we'd see eachother
sometimes we'd talk
or smile
or do that head nod thing

I can remember his voice
and his face
so clearly
i havent seen him in years
his mother was always nice to me
always happy whenever she saw me

and its just weird
how this person i havent thought of in years
suddenly matters to me
i mean of course he does
but
why was my mind so content for him to take a backseat on my thoughts until it was too late to ever pluck up the courage to send him a "hey, remember me?" IM
i dont get it
and i also really just dont get how people can just stop
stop existing
all of a sudden
they were here and now they are not
and i dont understand why
like
i do
i understand why
but i dont understand
WHY

i dont know i just
blah
im having weird thoughts
and i was sad anyway because its my birthday and everyone is wishing me such lovely birthday wishes
yet my own fucking girlfriend hasn't bothered
and i cant be fucked to remind her

I hope he found what he was looking for. I really do.
I wish his family well. and pray that they stay strong
and most of all i hope this is all for something
i hope his loss wasn't for nothing
and that there really is some kind of plan
and that he can rest now