Browsing Archive: July, 2012
Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, July 30, 2012,
Gotta love how my depression has decided sleep is the answer after all and how i now just sleep through the day even if i REALLY try not to. Like today... I woke up at like 8? and put on death note to keep me awake cause i cant sleep through something subtitled ever. Yet suddenly its fucking 6'oclock and i have no idea when I even fell back to sleep aside from the fact that death note is still playing on repeat T_T
I guess its kinda good, cause i mean lack of being awake is always grand.
But s...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 29, 2012,
I keep on meaning to go eat... and just noticed its been like 24 hours since I ate anything ;3
No wonder my belly has been making sad sounds :L
sorry it amused me :3
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 29, 2012,
I love the dark
and the night
and my garden
and sitting in it in the dark
Like i have done the past few nights
just sat
quietly singing
and crying
and telling it everything thats wrong
usually stuff i ever even knew was wrong
and then i cry
and its done
and i come back inside like
wtf now? O_o T_T
Guh
it sucks being alone yola.
But i guess its my fault
its all my fault really
time to go eat chocolate i guess.
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Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, July 28, 2012,
My god
I just did the bravest
yet most stupid thing I have ever done
my god
my heart
oh lord
going to go die in a hole now
T_T
D:
PANIC!!! D:
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Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, July 27, 2012,
*I go on a massive ramble about absolutely fuck all. and its totally off topic and pointless :L I apologize
Gah so much thinking T_T
Which is driving me mad! D:
Fucking brain
Cause like the past two nights i've just been sat here like
"Eh, be a girl? i dont think we are, but it'll be easier"
and then my brain gets all "AHHHHHHHH DOUBT!"
and then im all "Stfu do you want to be in chronic pain again?"
and I dont know T_T
cause (warning this is me just rambling out loud from here on out, im not sure h...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 26, 2012,
I would like to destory my brother with fire
fire and spades
fuck you then
fucking asshole
what did you expect if you wake me up after like 2 hours sleep when i was actually going to get more just to be pissing with me about going to the gym
Okay yeah, I'd like to go
that dose not mean i would like to be bitched at just after im woken up (with a fucking massive headache i may add) just to be whined at.
and then for you to storm off all pissy
and then wont talk to me
im fucking tired of this shit
We...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, July 24, 2012,
well uh hey there uh yola
uh
uh
fuck
well
um
somehow
my brother now knows
fuckinghell
wat
wait
oh my god
he was
alright?
he joked
and whatever
but like
wat
it was
i dont
fucking hell
oh my
um
fuck
uh
wat
um
oh lord
oh
uh
um
fucking
god
dear
what
i dont even
fucking hell
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Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, July 24, 2012,
Its strange
But I dont even seem to notice how pissed off i am
or how sad i am
or both
untill im forced to leave my room
or if people come into my room
and cause I wasn't expecting it
and usually the only person whos around is padi
I am a massive dick to him
and then he goes all quiet and i get even more pissed off with him
I just feel like yelling "STOP JUDGING ME MOTHERFUCKER AND BE A FUCKING MAN FOR ONCE, OR BETTER YET BE MY BROTHER AND GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HOW FUCKING UNHAPPY I AM!"
and he also didnt ...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, July 23, 2012,
Mornoon yola!
I am a happy!
My binder and totoro Have arrived ^^
Teh binder i awesome....if a little hard to get on
I look pudgy as hell in it
But
I am vertically boob free! And it doesn't even really feel like its there
So I'm a happy
And feeling oddly better about this shit
Just need to go shopping properly since I have one maybe two pairs of jeans
and few tops :L
But kinda have no one I could go with ahaha
Since I would be buying guys clothing
and like no one who knows would really want to go sho...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 22, 2012,
I feel like a twat
A manly twat (lol have even started lowering my voice and hadn't noticed :L)
But Im a twat
Fucking hell bron
what on living crap were you thi- oh right drunk
*slow claps*
Oh well
Fuck everything would be easier if i wasn't trans
But shit I cant take it back
theres no way on gods earth im going through that bs again
Cause im pretty fucking sure that suppressing this crap was either the cause or one of the main causes of my belly pain
Cause as of the day I started figuring this s...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, July 21, 2012,
I dyed my hair today
RED :D
And then cut it
And my god
for once i actually did something I love
My fringe wasnt touched cause of growing out
but it looks epic anyway so thats fine
and my hair is just LAYERS!
Well no
really what I should say is
Top = short
Bottom = same length
With lots of layers
I cut off soo much hair!
Was brilliant
And looks good (well I think so)
Sorry im gushing mostly cause im proud I didnt fuck it up :3
But yeah that was god ^_^
and some of my new stuff came today
So I not have new ...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Friday, July 20, 2012,
Can someone please tell my body that 1. Your knees should NOT hurt this much from the sheer act of standing up. and 2. Breathing should never hurt.
But on the plus. My hair is ginger (soon to be red) And I had a good day, and felt oddly masculine.. no wrong wording.. i acted more manly... Aka I didn't act all bullshitty girly while out xD And felt like a boss with a hole on the ass on my favorite jeans (not. pleased.)
Gah fucking body.
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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 19, 2012,
So yeah.. could I uh stop crying now please?
Fucking waist of space freak
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Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, July 18, 2012,
Not having a grate night to be honest.
feeling like a freak
and feeling for too fat
mhm
not a good night
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Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, July 17, 2012,
Oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god oh lord oh god ohlord PANIC FUCKING PANIC PANIC PANIC PANIC!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OH God why did I do that
oh fuck
oh lord
oh dear
of lord
oh
oh no
fucking
why
oh dear
But on the plus side I've also ordered new shoes :D
Black converse for the win! :D
Oh right where was I?
WHYYYYYYYY
Why would I do such a thing
Oh god
The panic is less now
God that was the most brave thing ive ever done
Goood loord
Fuc...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, July 17, 2012,
Hmm... To buy or not to buy.... that is the question
fucking fuck everything.. Honestly
T_T
FUUUU
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Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, July 16, 2012,
Scratch anything hopeful I may have said yesterday. I will be forever alone. And I fucking hate it.
Never in my life have I wanted to just lie. To just take it all back. Not gay, not trans, not even bi. Fuck everything.
and its pathetic because whats set this off is so small that I actually hate myself for letting it get to me.
goodnight yola. Im going to go wallow in self hate now. Byee!
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Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, July 16, 2012,
I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON I WANT TO GO TO ALCON!
*cries* I really really really want to go to alcon.
Ah well I'll just have to PRAY that next year Val, twin and nova get invited back! And maybe all of parle will be invited and not just Jen and kelly... Cause t...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 15, 2012,
Okay so I had written something but it went on forever so im going to re-write and summarize now that i know whats wrong.
Okay so one. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Posts that are like "Like this if you hate cancer.... or Like this if you think this is cute..." Or such
Piss off okay
We know you dont care really
And OF COURSE WE ALL WISH CANCER DIDN'T EXIST! I do not need to 'Share' a picture of a dying girl to prove this.
So fuck OFF with it!
And two
Its going to be three years (if I include the year w...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Saturday, July 14, 2012,
YOLA! HAI!
Ahhh I am happy
And its grate
My books arrived too which is epic ^_^
But yeah
I SaW TRINFACE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR AND A HALF!!!! :D :D
And nothing had changed. Like the first.... 10 minutes were a bit... Soo........*cough*......Uh
But then we got into fangirling and everything was just like ooold taimes ^_^
Which makes meh happeh
It sucked she had to leave SO FUCKING EARLY though... like she left at... half 6 ish maybe 7
Which sucked
But still I saw my trinface and my sam
and we ...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 12, 2012,
note to self dont watch my other me trailers at 4 in the morning.
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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 12, 2012,
WHY HAVE THEY NOT SHIPPED MY MANGA YET!?! DFGBHNKNNBCXFHML ALL OF MY RAGE!!
my brain is telling me we have stuff to write here
but wont tell me what
so uh yeah
oh i know
1. Geoff can go fuck himself if he ever tries to tell me to "just be happy" Ever again. seriously. fuck off with that shit.
2. My brain is weird. Hated the way I look in general my entire life. and HATED the way I look in bunches my hole life... realize im trans... "Oh hey I dont look so bad... and you know what will make this EVE...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Monday, July 9, 2012,
Okay so I'll admit that im in a bad mood today anyway
But
Something just occurred to me ( as these things tend to do)
I actually do hate my father
I have no affection
Kind feeling
nice thoughts
I hate the man
I hate everything about him
He makes my skin crawl
Hes creepy, vindictive, manipulative and a horrible little man
I will stay here sure
I will tolerate him
But be sure that next time he gets a little tiffy with me about money hes going to be well put in his fucking place
cause see my child be...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 5, 2012,
Okay so I had I nice day
Ruined
So okay came out to two people about being bi
(well done me xD its easy when thats not your biggest secret)
And had to tell adam im Trans
Cause after seeing eachother for two hours
He decided we're in love
and I NEED him to understand
that this 'girl' hes in love with
isnt a girl
So I told him
well am telling him
His first responce was "why do you think that" Cause well yeah I gave no explanation
I just was like
Im sorry but I had to tell you this. its a big deal cause...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Wednesday, July 4, 2012,
Evening yola
again not here for any real reason
less angsty than normal
I read a book last night
one of 15 i bought yesterday
And well its mine
its perfect
and made me cry
and its perfect
and im never telling anyone about it
Its my imperial Affliction
And after reading it
Like with all sad ad heartbreaking things I emailed mum
Cause I dont know
its like pretending to talk to her
but, like safer
and less crazy
I know I wont get a reply
but i can still talk to her the same as if she were alive throu...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Tuesday, July 3, 2012,
Hey yola.
So i dont have any clue what I want to talk about
but i felt like i should talk
Had a pretty okay day. Bought books ^_^ Read two of them already (shut up manga counts as a book)
It was also good cause the like one person who knows about all this shit isnt scared of me and doest think im a freak or something. Which you know... Was surprising. And nice.
Though speaking of that
still no idea what I want to do
And I am starting to think it would be easier to just
you know
Be a girl
ive cope...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 1, 2012,
This is really long...and probably doesnt make much coherent sense and im sorry for that. but at least this is now out in words.
Hey yola.
so, my panic has died down now
And my thoughts are less
ASHFP:PGBYFGHKLDFGHUKL:FGHKHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELP!!!
So I came to tell you whats been going on with me
since I kinda feel totally at peace with this now
Well no
cause I mean its only been like a week since I started putting a voice and a name to this shit
So its still scary as fuck and i dont tot...
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Posted by bronwen wild on Sunday, July 1, 2012,
Hey Nikki. we dont talk a hole lot anymore.
But I just wanted to remind you cause you seem to forget or something
I dont know but you never remember
But if you need me talk to me
please?
cause i worry about you
and yeah whatever
I'll always worry deal teh fuck with it
so yeah, talk to me if you want/need to
Or talk to someone else
Because you ass people care about you
and dont you dare go anywhere okay?
I'll give you reasons if you like
But for now im scared of the dark and need to actually finish w...
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