a nice lil rant
Posted by bronwen wild on Thursday, July 17, 2014
i think, the main reason why i struggle so much with constant communication with people is because of how quickly i lost all of my friends.
like in the space of six months i lost them all, either through the fact i was depressed and no one knew how to talk to me even when i was around
or because i was shit to be around
or because...
well i still dont really know why i lost her
and like
i've been relatively alone ever since
and i've also changed alot from the girl who was always online
always there
always available
no need to worry
sammie will be awake
but im not anymore
my insomnia has finally passed
and my desire to be on social networks constantly is 0
and skype
dear god
i have never liked skype
i hate how skype calls are pretty much contracts to give up the rest of your day
but you cant DO ANYTHING ELSE WHILE ON SKYPE
its fucking painfully dull
Come hang out face to face
lets go out and do something
or just fucking chat with me via chat
i can not stand skype calls
they are boring, long and laggy and shitty as hell
but im antisocial for not wanting to go online
i miss the days of msn
it could run in the background
you could have cute lil chat windows that could just chill out
they made a noise that wasnt annoying as fuck and selectively quiet
and i know i am being a whiny little bitch
but I'm aloud to not like a form of communication.
and i think its because its so open ended
like phonecalls are finite
they usually last like an hour maybe two at most
texting can go on throughout the day
but skype
skype is some hellish reality where once you accept you are doomed to give up the remaining hours of the day on mindless blathering and utter boredom. BECAUSE NO ONE EVER HAS ANYTHING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK ABOUT
LIKE???
WHAT
but back to my original point of just not really being used to having friends or talking to people
it also doesn't help that the people in my life who want to talk to me for hours on end on skype are the type of people who sort of dont care about my half of the conversation.
its all their stories, their problems, their lives,
not even really bothering to ask how my anything is
which is somewhat tiring.
I am so very much over the whole mindset of wanting to help all the people with all of their problems. because they are seldom thankful and i actually like myself enough now to understand that if all the other person is doing is taking then its a toxic relationship and that its okay to bail
i like being on my own
im really good at it
i like the quiet
i like time to myself
i love eating alone
and cooking alone
and watching tv/films alone
I love listening to music alone
But I also love my friends and I love hanging out with them
and going out with them
i just dont like the sort of artificial reality of being online all the time... as if just hanging myself on a line, waiting to see if anyone will pick me.
i dont know yola
all i know is that im tired
and im tired of being made to feel guilty for not wanting to go on fucking skype
text me or ring me
idk
anything
come see me
whatever
night yola
like in the space of six months i lost them all, either through the fact i was depressed and no one knew how to talk to me even when i was around
or because i was shit to be around
or because...
well i still dont really know why i lost her
and like
i've been relatively alone ever since
and i've also changed alot from the girl who was always online
always there
always available
no need to worry
sammie will be awake
but im not anymore
my insomnia has finally passed
and my desire to be on social networks constantly is 0
and skype
dear god
i have never liked skype
i hate how skype calls are pretty much contracts to give up the rest of your day
but you cant DO ANYTHING ELSE WHILE ON SKYPE
its fucking painfully dull
Come hang out face to face
lets go out and do something
or just fucking chat with me via chat
i can not stand skype calls
they are boring, long and laggy and shitty as hell
but im antisocial for not wanting to go online
i miss the days of msn
it could run in the background
you could have cute lil chat windows that could just chill out
they made a noise that wasnt annoying as fuck and selectively quiet
and i know i am being a whiny little bitch
but I'm aloud to not like a form of communication.
and i think its because its so open ended
like phonecalls are finite
they usually last like an hour maybe two at most
texting can go on throughout the day
but skype
skype is some hellish reality where once you accept you are doomed to give up the remaining hours of the day on mindless blathering and utter boredom. BECAUSE NO ONE EVER HAS ANYTHING TO ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK ABOUT
LIKE???
WHAT
but back to my original point of just not really being used to having friends or talking to people
it also doesn't help that the people in my life who want to talk to me for hours on end on skype are the type of people who sort of dont care about my half of the conversation.
its all their stories, their problems, their lives,
not even really bothering to ask how my anything is
which is somewhat tiring.
I am so very much over the whole mindset of wanting to help all the people with all of their problems. because they are seldom thankful and i actually like myself enough now to understand that if all the other person is doing is taking then its a toxic relationship and that its okay to bail
i like being on my own
im really good at it
i like the quiet
i like time to myself
i love eating alone
and cooking alone
and watching tv/films alone
I love listening to music alone
But I also love my friends and I love hanging out with them
and going out with them
i just dont like the sort of artificial reality of being online all the time... as if just hanging myself on a line, waiting to see if anyone will pick me.
i dont know yola
all i know is that im tired
and im tired of being made to feel guilty for not wanting to go on fucking skype
text me or ring me
idk
anything
come see me
whatever
night yola
